DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. TELEPHONE 929-1667/8 E-MAIL PASTOR@JAMAICASTAR.COM

Dear Pastor,

I want to start off by congratulating you on the wonderful job you are doing in helping a lot of people. I read your column daily.

My problem started after dating a man for five years. It was not any ordinary relationship, because I grew to love him. About a year in the relationship, he lost one of his eyes and I continued to be there for him.

The company decided to compensate him by giving him some money and he didn't even let me know when he received the money. He became very distant. Then I asked him what was wrong. He said he was not feeling the relationship anymore and that our love or relationship could not go to the shop. After he told me that, I did a little investigation. One of his friends told me that he got the money for his eye, and he started dating an older woman who had three children already and she was giving him money.

it still hurts

After I confronted him and asked him if it was because he got the money he left me, he said no and up to now he doesn't have a good reason. Pastor, I did not fight or quarrel with him. I just let him go, and up to this day it still hurts to know that I was there with him when he didn't have anything and now he is behaving like that.

Pastor, to me it is because he is with this woman and now they share a son. However, I forgave him and talk with him as a friend, but deep down I wish things were different. I am afraid to get close with another man. And if I do talk to them, after a while I just get cross and want to stay by myself. I don't know what else to do. It is killing me and I really want to have someone in my life.

Please give me your fatherly advice.

R.

Dear R.,

This man is ungrateful. You did everything to help him and after he was compensated he kept it as a secret. Perhaps he felt that if he had told you, you would have wanted him to share the money with you. Even if you had that in mind he could have said yes or no.

You have to forgive him and move on. What he did is still bothering you because you have not forgiven him. The money that he got will not last forever. You claim that you have forgiven him but you have not. If you had, it would not continue to haunt you. And you would not find it so difficult to establish another relationship. So talk to God about the matter and ask Him to help you to move on.

Pastor