WHEN women meet and have their girl talk, one of the things they usually talk about is the pleasure they receive from oral sex, especially if the provider of the service is an expert on oral treatment. Many times, in that group there is one woman who longs for some bedroom excitement. This woman will listen to her girlfriends talk, while itching to share this new-found knowledge with her spouse.

She may, however, be scared to make the approach for fear of being rebuffed.

On the other hand some men may want to try out new positions and venues, but again the fear factor prevents any such approach.

The man may also want to try sex toys as aids in the bedroom, but is hesitant to share this with the other party.

Below are some dos and don'ts in approaching your spouse about the issue.

* Choose the right time and place to discuss your sexual fantasies and desires with your spouse. Let him/her know that you care about the relationship and you want to restore the pleasure.

* Don't approach him/her in a confrontational manner. The aim is not to engage in finger pointing or a blame game but to arrive at compromise to deal effectively with the situation at hand.

* Don't tell him/her that your friends are doing it so you must do it as well. This may not go down well with your partner, worse if your friends are of the opposite sex.

* Neither of you should put undue pressure on the other. Any kind of change will take time, especially if the change involves attitude and behaviour. Be patient.

* You may need to take the initiative and lead the change. Stop talking and just do.

* Don't place any ultimatum on your partner. The "do or die" approach will not get you the desired outcome. If it works, it would be done under duress.

* Don't worry about the rebuffs and the wounded pride. You may be put off on the first attempt but don't give up, try again.

* Buy him/her a book or DVD that speaks to the matters you are too bashful to talk about.

* Don't have your best friend approach your spouse about the shortcomings in your love life. This is private and personal and ought not be the subject of the girl/man talk.

If you try the above and get no positive results, you may need the intervention of a relationship therapist.

Disclaimer: Views expressed are that of the author, and do not necessarily reflect my personal opinion in any way shape or form.