Written by: J'Vaughn Johnson & Clayon Graham

*Ring Ring Ring* (phone rings)

Restaurant Cashier: Yanisha's Jamaican Cuisine, how may I help you?

Customer: Hello, I'd like to place a few orders: 3 medium boxes of oxtail with rice and peas, and one large stew chicken with rice and peas with vegetables too.

Restaurant Cashier: Hol on deh cah mi nuh sure if wi hav nuh more stew chicken lef back still ...

Customer: Okay.

Restaurant Cashier(Yells to someone in the kitchen): RICKY! Stew chicken deh round deh?!?

Ricky: No man! yuh nuh rememba seh one yute did jus orda three large box a dat! mi neva know seh more people woulda want dat so mi nuh neva bodda fi mek no more ...

Restaurant Cashier (Speaking to Ricky): Aright den!

Restaurant Cashier (Speaking to customer now): Hello, sorry wi nuh have no more stew chicken, a yute just buy 3 large box a dat couple minute ago, you shoulda call earlier man! ... but yuh want two chicken patty instead? Dem jus come outta di oven eno.

Customer: Umm no thats fine, what else do you have?

Restaurant Cashier: Mi nuh kno still, mi just tek order and ansa phone .. mi nuh know weh dem do round a di kitchen yahhh *kisses teeth*

*Silence*

Customer: Umm do you mind checking for me please?

Restaurant Cashier: Bum***boclaat why yuh nuh just tek di two patty dem and done nuh man?! But aright hol on again ... RICKY! Wat else unnu have inna di kitchen??!?

Ricky: Pepper Steak, stew chicken gravy, and and and ... yea a it dat still!

Restaurant Cashier: Hello, all we have left is pepper steak and stew chicken gravy, mi can give yuh di two chicken patty and put some stew chicken gravy ova it fi yuh if yuh want still ...

Customer: No, that's fine ... I'll take the 3 medium boxes of oxtail with rice and peas and a large box of pepper steak with rice and peas. And I don't know if you make your oxtail spicy, but please don't if you do because it's more my younger kids.

Restaurant Cashier: Okay will that be all? And what is your name and address?

Customer: Yes. My name is Steven and I'm at 55 *la*hmsdale Rd.

Restaurant Cashier: Aright, 10 minute. By di way, dat will be $24.10 but yuh can just gi we $25.00

Customer: Okay thank you.

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30 MINUTES PASS:

*Customer calls in again*

Customer: Hi, this is Steven ... I called about 30 minutes ago and you told me the delivery guy would be here in 10 minutes but I haven't seen him yet.

Restaurant Cashier: Yo easy yuh self nuh, a nuh chinese restaurant dis ... dem yah food yah tek NUFF TIME fi cook man .. yuh wi get it .. no worry yuh self.

Customer: Wait, what??! So why did you tell me 10 minutes?!?

Restaurant Cashier: *Kisses teeth* A dat dem teach wi fi do, if mi did tell yuh 45 minutes yuh woulda cancel di orda don't it?

Customer: (At a loss for words)

Restaurant Cashier: Exactly, so jus gwan hol a medz or watch tv til di sumn dem finish ... *kisses teeth* (hangs up).

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45 minutes pass
*Customer calls in again*

Customer: Yah hi, I made an order 45 minutes ago ... when will I be getting it delivered???

Restaurant Cashier: Ohh, a nuh me a drive still but mi think him suppose to deh right round di corner yah now

Customer: What??? Do you have his cell phone number to ask him?

Restaurant Cashier: Derek is a yute weh nuh usually have minutes pon him cell phone more time but mi wi call him fi yuh tho

Customer: (Aggravated) Okay thanks.

Restaurant Cashier: (Calls Derek) Derek! Weh yuh deh?! Yuh nah drop of di orda round a *la*hmsdale rd?!

Derek: Yeh man yeh man yeh man, mi soon reach! A shot mi a shot it go up a West Haven (a city 45 minutes away) fi go pick up mi likkle yute from football practice first den mek a quick stop by di laundry mat fi wash two shirt and ting ... gimme bout 15 minute! (Hangs up)

Restaurant Cashier: Hello, he said to give him about 15 minutes, there was an accident on the route he was driving on to get there.

Customer: (More aggravted) Alright thanks.

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An HOUR AND 30 MINUTES PASSED.

*Derek finally arrives with the food, blasting 'Vybz Kartel - Hustle the money' from his car.* (Calls customers phone)

Derek: Yo, a Steven dis? A di delivery guy this from di restaurant ... mi deh outta door ... come out quick cah mi haffi do sumn else.

Customer: Finally, okay ... I'll be right out.

*Customer goes outside*

Derek: Wha gwan pops, see di food here ... oh by de way, di cashier did tell mi fi tell yuh seh wi run outta large box so she put di pepper steak inna one small box but she fill it up nuff nuff nuff fi yuh doe!.

(Customer looks shocked with their jaw wide open)

Derek: Oh! And anodda ting. Wi neva have much oxtail left so wi just a gi yuh two medium box but she seh she did fill dem up nuff nuff nuff ... but a three likkle pickney yuh did orda it fah so dem shouldnt eat much, jus make dem share it. Yuh fi stop spoil dem, chuh. She put one beef patty inna di bag too just in case it nuh fill dem up, and yeh wi a charge yuh fi dat too.

Customer: What?!? So my order is all wrong?!

Derek: Weh you meeeaaannn mann, no sah, yuh get di tings dem weh yuh ask fah .. ah vex yuh vex true yuh nuh get dem inna di size you want?! Yuh lucky seh you get sumn yah, a call call people phone and a ask bout food and when it a reach. Chuh. Send mi shoulda send yuh go a supermarket fi cook dem yuhself since yuh so impatient! Yuh ah tek dem or wha?

Customer: Whatever, whatever, whatever, I'll take them, so is the price going to be less?

Derek: Wha? Price less?! Noooo maaaannn, yuh get charge fi weh yuh orda .. nuh weh yuh get! A recession dis, money haffi mek dadda.

Customer: Ohhhh myyy gooshh.

Derek: Ohhh myyy gosshhh yuh *lo**clat! Oh my gosh yuh nah gimme di money star?! A gyal flex mi deh pon still eno. Hurry up hurry up!

Customer: Geez, okay okay, how much is it?

Derek: $35.00

Customer: Oh Wow, but first ya'll told me $25.00

Derek: $25.00 dolla?!!!? But yuh nuh easy! A rob yah try rob di place bredda. Yuh mussi want ah hearing aid to ra**?!? By di way, dat nuh include mi $10 tip or gas money yet

Customer: Tip? .. Gas money? You were an hour and twenty minutes late!

Derek: A dat yuh seh? A nuh me a cook di food still ... mi jus carry it come when it ready. But wait, yuh believe seh when yuh pay fi di food a pay yuh a pay me too? No sa! Drop inna extra five dolla bill cause mi neva haffi come yah

Customer *Pays and is waiting for change*

Derek: Oh, So a weh yah wait fah? A couldn't di likkle extra $10 change yah wait pon brejin, likkle more still....

Customer: WTF?!?

*Derek Drives Off*