In a recent trial, a Falmouth small town prosecuting attorney called 
to the witness stand his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman 
named Miss Ivy.
The attorney approached her and asked, 'Miss Ivy, do you know me? She
> responded, 'Why, yes of course me know you, Mr. Williams. Me know you
> since you was a likkle pissing tail pickney, and wata big
> disappointment you is to you family. You is a ole liard, you cheat pan
> yuh wife, yuh chat people bizniz, and yuh red-eye, grudgeful and
> licky-licky. You tink you is a big shot now but you no realize seh you
> will never amoun to nuttin more Dan a
>  Two-bit paper pusher! Yes, me know yuh very well alright!!'

>  The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
> the room and asked, 'Miss Ivy, do you know the defense attorney?' She
> looked over at the defense attor ney and replied, 'Of course, me know
> Mr. Bradley since him was a likkle bwoy too.

>  Him lazy, and good-fe-nothing, him boasy, and him always a gwaan like
> him white. Him caan=2
> 0build nuh normal Relationship with any woman 'cause
> him a man unda covah. Fe him law practice a di worse eena Jamaica
> Him chat nuff, him a ole teef, him dutty and nasty. A three different
> woman an four man me hear seh him a grind undah covah, an one a di
> woman dem a you missis (points at juror member)!!
>  Yes sah, me know him well..' The defense attorney almost died of 
> embarra**ment

> The judge ordered both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
> quiet voice, said, 'If either of you ra**clawt bastards ask her if she
> knows me, a gwine lock up oonu b*m*o-clatt eena jail fe contempt!.'

-- Edited by Dj Quiva on Saturday 11th of July 2009 09:56:28 AM