Here is why unuh nuh fi fool up nuh yardy pickney bout Santa Claus dem will bi scarred fi life 

Please control yourself if you are at work... if not gwaan bad 
 
  
 
Dear Santa, 
 
I know you probly wondering why I writing yuh one day after Christmas 
but after opening mi presents dem yesterday, I just had was to write yuh. Santa, mi was a very good girl all year round. 

Mi listen to mi mummy when she talk to mi and ah help out wid di chores dem round di 
house. Ah even help di neighba pickney dem do fi dem chores tuh. 

One day mi  all help out di old crosses Mr. George, the blind an cripple one, cross the road when di odda children dem just ah watch him an ah tek gamble pon what kind of 
cyar   did ah go lick him dung. Santa, dem just lef him deh fi dead,but mi help him out. 

Santa ah studied real hard in school this year, so hard till mi all come fuss inna di class. Ah make it mi duty to be nice and not naughty 
Santa. 

I   was so good. Ah real good girl Santa. 
Santa when ah write mi Christmas list to yuh dis year, ah ask yuh fi a Barbie princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game, a cyabbage patch doll and ah monopoly game. 

So Santa, how the *lo** claat after reading mi list yuh leave under di Christmass tree ah phukking light up yo-yo, one plastic tea-cup set and ah phukking no name dolly dat look like she have polio and ah dead from 
marli gripe an fluxxy complain

Santa is either yuh blind or yuh cyah *lo** claat read!!! Every year ah say ah would stop believing in yuh and like ah dyam fool mi always give yuh ah next chance, but not ah phukking-gain, yuh hear mi Santa? Not a 
*lo**claat. 

Yuh hear what ah say Santa? Yuh phukking fat red ra** yuh. 

Yuh see all nex year, yuh betta dont try squeeze yuh big fat thru mi louvres dem, because Santa ah swear ah going phukk yuh up. It going to be me, you and dis sharp *lo** claat knife, so mi can jukk yuh inna 
yuh belly. 

Yuh hear mi sah? Mi ah go stab up yuh *lo**caat. 

Imagine, yuh give that likkle c**k eye gyal Sally from cross di road everything that she ax fah. So much so dat she all nuh have nuh room fi walk round she house. 

Yuh see all nex year Santa, ah will be back to mi good old self. Dat's right Santa. Ah not going give mummy nuh trouble or cause nuh havoc roun'ere . And Santa, a goin wait pon you patiently ....ah goin wait pon yuh paitently with ah big *lo** claat rock stone 
fi yuh backside. 

And den when you and them blasted reindeer dat favour some dyam oversize goat wid tree branch ah grow otta dem head top, com ho-ho hoing down pon i old rusty zinc nex Chirstmas.....BOOP!!!!! Is one ra** lick inna yuh *lo** claat head. 

Santa ah going done yuh *lo** claat, Memba dat yuh hear Santa. TryMemba dat!! 

Love 
Likkle Keisha