My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was
> flipping          
>   channels. She asked, 'What's
> on TV?'                                  
>                                                                             
>       I
> said, Dust.'                                                      
>                                                                             
>       And then the
> fight started...                                        
>                                                                             

>                                                                             
>       My wife was hinting about what she  wanted
> for  our upcoming          
>   anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that
> goes from 0 to 150  
>   in about
> 3 seconds.'                                                    
>                                                                             
>       I bought her
> a scale.                                                
>                                                                             
>       And then the fight 
> started...                                      
>                                                                             

>                                                                             
>                                                                             
>       When I got home last night, my wife demanded 
> that I  take her        
>   someplace expensive... so, I took her to  a gas 
> station.               
>                                                                             
>       And then the fight 
> started...                                        
>                                                                             

> -----                                                
>                                                                             
>                                                                             
>       After retiring, I went to the Social Security 
> office to apply      
>   for Social Security. The woman behind the
> counter asked me for my      
>   driver's license to verify my age. I looked in
> my pockets and realized  
>   I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I
> was very sorry,  
>   but I would have to go home and come
> back later.                        
>                                                                             
>       The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. 
> So I opened my shirt        
>   revealing my curly silver hair. She  said,  'That
> silver hair on your   
>   chest is proof enough  for me' and she  processed
> my Social Security      
>  
> application                                                              
>                                                                             
>       When I got home, I  excitedly told  my wife
> about my experience      
>   at the Social Security 
> office.                                          
>                                                                             
>       She said, 'You should have dropped
> your pants. You might have      
>   gotten
> disability, too.'                                                
>                                                                             
>       And then the fight 
> started...                                        
>                                                                             
>                                                                             
>       ------------ --------- ---------  ---------

>       My wife and I were sitting at a table at my
> high  school            
>   reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady  swigging
> her  drink as    
>   she sat alone at a nearby
> table.                                          
>                                                                             
>       My wife asked, 'Do you know
> her?'                                  
>                                                                             
>       'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
> girlfriend. I understand she        
>   took to drinking right after we split up those
> many years ago, and I    
>   hear she hasn't been sober
> since.'                                      
>                                                                             
>       'My God!' says my wife, 'who would
> think a person could go on      
>   celebrating
> that long?'                                                
>                                                                             
>       And  then the fight 
> started...                                      

>

>       I took my wife to a restaurant.  The waiter,
> for  some reason,        
>   took my order
> first.                                                      
>                                                                             
>       "I'll have the strip steak, medium
> rare, please."                  
>                                                                             
>       He said, "Aren't you worried about
> the mad cow?""                
>                                                                             
>       Nah, she can order for
> herself."                                    
>                                                                             
>       And then the
> fight started...                                        
>                                                                             
>       ------------ --------- --------- 
> ---                                
>                                                                             
>       A  woman is standing nude, looking  in the
> bedroom mirror.            
>       She is not happy with what she sees and says to
> her  husband,        
>       'I feel horrible; I look old, fat  and
> ugly.                          
>       I really need you to pay me
> a compliment.'                          
>                                                                             
>       The husband replies, 'Your eyesights
> damn near  perfect.'          
>                                                                             
>       And then the fight
> started.....                                      
>                                                                             
>       ------------ ---------  ---------
> ------                              
>                                                                             
>       I  tried to talk my  wife into buying a case
> of Miller Light          
>   for 
> $14.95.                                                              
>                                                                             
>       Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for
> $7.95.                  
>                                                                             
>       I told her the beer would make her look better
> at night than        
>   the
> cold cream.                                                          
>                                                                             
>       And then the
> fight started....                                      
>                                                                             
>       ------------ --------- ---------  ---------
> -----                    
>                                                                             
>       My wife asked me if a certain  dress made her 
> butt look big. I      
>   told her not as much as the dress she wore
> yesterday                    
>                                                                             
>       and then the fight 
> started.....                                      
>                                                                             
>       ------------ --------- ---------  ---------
> ------                    
>                                                                             
>       A man and a woman were  asleep like two
> innocent  babies.            
>                                                                             
>       Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning,
> a loud noise came from      
>  
> outside.                                                                  
>                                                                             
>       The woman, bewildered, jumped  up from the bed
> and yelled at        
>   the man  'Holy crap. That must be
> my husband!'                          
>                                                                             
>       So the man jumped out of the  bed; scared and
> naked jumped out      
>   the  window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran
> through a  thorn      
>   bush and to his car as fast as he could 
> go.                              
>                                                                             
>       A few minutes later he returned and went up
> to the bedroom and      
>   screamed at the woman, 'I AM
> your husband!'                            
>                                                                             
>       The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then
> why were you running?'        
>                                                                             
>       And then the fight 
> started.....                                    
>                                                                             
>       ------------  --------- --------- ---------
> ---------  ----          
>                                                                             
>       Saturday morning I got up early, quietly 
> dressed, made my          
>   lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped  quietly into  the
> garage.            
>                                                                             
>       I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
> proceeded to back        
>   out into
> a torrential downpour.                                        
>                                                                             
>       The wind was blowing 50  mph,  so I pulled
> back into the garage,      
>   turned on the  radio, and discovered  that the weather
> would be bad all  
>  
> day                                                                      
>                                                                             
>       I went back into the house,  quietly 
> undressed, and slipped          
>   back into 
> bed.                                                          
>                                                                             
>       I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
> different                
>   anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out
> there  is terrible.'     
>                                                                             
>       My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can
> you believe my stupid      
>   husband is out fishing
> in that?'                                      
>                                                                             
>       And then the fight started 
> ...                                      
>                                                                             
>                                                                             
>       ------------  --------- --------- ---------
> ---------  ----          
>                                                                             
>                                                                             
>                                                                             
>       I  asked my wife, "Where do you  want to
> go for our
> anniversary?"                                                                        
>                                                                             
>       It warmed my heart to see her face melt in
> sweet appreciation.      
>   "Somewhere I haven't been in a long
> time!"  She
> said.                    
>                                                                             
>       So I suggested, "How about
> the kitchen?"                          
>                                                                             
>       And that's when the fight 
> started....                                
>                                                                             
>       ------------ --------- ---------  ---------
> --------- ----            
>                                                                             
>       My wife and I are  watching Who Wants To Be A 
> Millionaire while      
>   we were in bed I turned to  her and  said, "Do
> you want to have          
>  
> sex?"                                                                  
>                                                                             
>       "No,"
> she answered.                                                
>                                                                             
>       I then said, "Is that your
> final answer?"                        
>                                                                             
>       She didn't even look at me this time, simply
> saying "Yes."         
>                                                                             
>       So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
> friend."                      
>                                                                             
>       And that's when the fight
> started....