Kartel

Massive! What a gwaan? Oonu alright? Mi a tell yuh say mi sick out fi di whole week! Raga yuh know say a you mek mi sick out doh? Mi heart bleed when mi see yuh a cut di cake wid Sadie! Whaapen to our love? It doomed eeh? Me married an yuh a pose an cut cake! Ah bwoy. Big up di whole a mi progressive fren dem! STAR team, INK massive, Kaboom, Mucho Mucho, Witch, TAE, we so bright an hot till some a dem a melt wid bad mind! As Kaboom always a sing, 'We so special like creamy crackaz!'Local want we, overseas want we. Unstoppable we say fi 2000 an great! Massive, suss time. Link mi pon hotgalcherry@hotmail.com.

A WHICH TAPE ALL DEM DEH A TALK BOUT?

Look here, oonu lef di previously-known-as-host alone! Nobaddy nevah did a talk bout she lass week. Mi mek mi talk bout a NEXXX media girl who seem to love tek it roun 'deh' so and people a email me bout lass year news, bout if she have a nexx tape. Nobaddy nuh bizniz wid she enuh, cause if she really decide fi come out wid a nexx tape, muchless one wid she a tek it from di 'wrong angle', a fi har bizniz. But hear mi now, my yout wid DI TAPE wha mi a talk bout wid deh media woman yah, whe mi copy deh? Stop di foolishness.

BLING MIND YUH POP, POP, POP A *lo** VESSEL!

Bling Dawg

Bling mi sexy fren, Kaboom tell mi say she an di boss see yuh wha day yah an yuh a ask, how mi deal wid yuh Popcorn song wid Chi Ching so? Mi say when dem call mi, mi laugh till mi nearly choke. Wha yuh mean yuh a come from Sumfest an nearly run offa di road when yuh read di suss wha say 'a di wuss song from Madusa and LA Lewis' own? Hush, but a true. Di song fool beyond human comprehension! People really hear yuh inna studio a record dat an deh cheer yuh on? Mi a tell yuh, wid frens like those, yuh nuh need not a enemy to backfoot! My yute, hear wha mi a say, yuh see when yuh a mek a song nexx time, sen it to mi before it release an mi will tell yuh di truth if a local hit, or international hit, or if ah juss...(yuh guess mi lass word? Lol).

MAVADO YUH CYAAN DRIVE OR WHA?

Mavado

My yute, when yuh drive tru di gate fi go eena di Usain press conference suppose yuh did run back pon di company car? Mi backfoot! Massive, mi say one piece a destruction nearly tek place juss fi drive een a di venue! Di INK see wi life flash before wi very eye bout 6 time straight! Mi say di man first of all mek a sudden stop inna him Range so mi nuh know if some kind of STOP sign did fi pop out a di back an tell we fi stop couple feet away, plus sponge fi mek wi bounce off, but it nevah happen, so him need fi fix deh feature deh! Den massive, a pon a slight slope wi deh enuh and to di average driver, a nuh nuttin. But apparently fi di gangster a did too much! Loeth and beholdeth, we see di man a start run back eena di car! Mi say mi nuh know wha Mucho Mucho nevah do: she scream, she blow horn, she tek out fog horn, she light torch, she buss clappaz! Di man vehicle still a run back! Mi haffi say mi backfoot, suppose a did standard whe him haffi bakkle wid, cl**tch, brake an gas fi cum offa di likkle slope? Wi wudda crush out like nasty tile! Den when him fi park, di man swing een an park inna twoooo parking space. My yute is eider yuh cyan drive or di *la*hmin Range Rover dem faulty an dem a some sort of Septicon an have a mind of dem own like wha come inna Transformers yaw man. Look pon Ele an fi him lass week! A sign yaw man.

IS A PSYCHO NURSE OR WHA?

A sign yaw man! Massive, mi nuh know if oonu memba bout two months ago when mi talk bout di mad nurse who lif up har clothes and show har boss har back when dem a cuss? Well, anyway, dem fiyah di woman, but she mussi nevah know say dat a come. Anyway, sum ting happen an she go dung a di office an dem tell her say dem a try reach har how long now an dem have di letter bout har firing fi gi har. Di woman decide seh she naw tek di letter an she naw lef di wuk. She nuh do a ting more dan go mek appointment wid di politician fi sort out di ting. When di man hear wha gwaan di man haffi tell har say a she fiyah herself so him cyan mek dem tek har back. Mi say massive! Di woman puddung a piece of bawling dung a di bizniz place, likkle most dem haffi shut it dung because of di voicequake. Di politician feel sorry fi har an say she muss come back di nexx day; but oonu nuh know wha? Nuh Gustav come? Mi nuh know if she get back one nex appointment or wha. A waste a time as far as me concerned. Hear mi now, yuh see when oonu have oonu good wuk, oonu tek heed an lef out di hype unless oonu have a back up plan.

MI WAAH FI KNOW:

L. A. Lewis

L.A. Lewis yuh tink yuh smart don't? Yuh tink mi nuh know say a true Chi Ching tek ova an have yuh job; yeah, deh same job, wha nobaddy nuh know wha oonu be; we juss a hear oonu name! Bout $37, 000 fi come een a launch party! Anyway, di INK a roll een an wi name de pon di RSVP list. Massive, oonu know mi deh whe di suss deh.

Kartel, a wha dis pon yuh again? Smaddy can evah inna drama so? My yute, nuh yuh sing bout 33 degree of masonry. Dem people deh usually untouchable inna society, so mi nuh know. Massive, mi gone!