I am a 25-year-old Christian woman, who has been saved for many years. Last year I went to Jamaica and met a nice guy, who is also a Christian. We spent a lot of time together and we began liking each other. When I returned home we talked alot on the phone, but as time went on, my mind started to drift away from the relationship. We were still talking on the phone, but I was still keeping my options open, because with long distance relationships one minute you're saying that you love each other and the next minute you never hear from that person again.

Last year, two new brothers came to the church. After about three months one of the brothers started to show interest in me, but I wasn't very interested in him mainly because he wasn't a Jamaican. That went on for a few months until I felt forced into dating him because of his nice words and he seemed caring. Once we started to date, he kept talking about marriage and wanting to have sex. I don't believe in sex before marriage. I started to get scared because I knew that he didn't have his documents to remain in England, so I started to think that maybe he wanted to be with me because of that. When he started to come to church, he used to come with a woman who was also African, but then she stopped coming. When I asked him about her, he told me that he didn't want her to come and that she stopped talking to him because he was talking to me. We didn't go out much unless it was for one of his church programmes. We used to argue about everything and stopped talking for days. At that time I didn't know what to do, but I felt that I was tied to him. I don't have many friends, so to me I felt that maybe this was the person God sent for me, but I was just being 'choosy'.

I went to Jamaica and even though I was talking to the guy in England, I was still keeping in contact with the person I met in Jamaica. Before I left for Jamaica, the guy and I in England had a really big fight about me not wanting to sleep with him. While I was out there the Jamaican guy treated me so nicely. He drove me around and took me to meet his family, we went out for meals, etc. and I felt so happy with him. The guy in England never called. Even when I got back home, he didn't call until he saw me in church. At that point he started to say that I had put on a lot of weight, so I decided that enough was enough and left him after telling him that I was seeing someone while I was in Jamaica.

Pastor, I feel very close to the guy in Jamaica, but I am home again and I am feeling very lonely again and the brother from my church keeps telling me how much he loves me and how much he misses me. Last week I felt so alone even though I am receiving phone calls from the guy in Jamaica. After church on Sunday my mother said that she saw the brother from my church arm-in-arm with another sister, even though on that same Sunday he was telling me that he still loved me. So I called him up and asked him what was going on and he told me that he was dating the same African church sister but he didn't say anything about the church sister that my mom saw him with. He still claimed that he wanted to be with me. The problem is that I feel that he is fooling me.

Pastor, my only trouble is that my mom waited for my dad for 20 years and he ended up marrying someone else and she is alone. I don't want to wait on that Jamaican guy and end up being alone too but I really do like him and we even talk about marriage. He has never asked me for money nor does he want to come to England. Even if we do talk about England, he has relatives up here and says that he wants to stay with them, until he is stable and we can be together. Should I believe that the African guy really loves me? Have I been blinded by the fact that he is educated and can provide for me once he finishes his masters?

Help me pastor, please.

H.G., England