A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern stories. He goes to the hills of Kentucky and finds an old guy sitting on his porch. ''Do you have any stories you can share with me?''

The old guy says, ''Of course I do. One time old Bob's goat got loose, so we set up a search team to find it. We sat around and had a few beers and then went looking for it. We found it, then we all screwed it.''

''Well I can't put a story like that in the paper. Do you have any others - maybe a happy story?'' asked the reporter.

''Sure do,'' said the man, ''One time old Bubba's cow got loose. We set up a search party to find it. Once again, we had a few beers, looked for the cow, then we screwed it when we found it.''

''Well, I can't put that in the paper either. Do you have any sad stories?''

''Sure do. One time I got lost!''