Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry." = you'll be sorry.

We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = the correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want" = you'll pay for this later.

We need to talk" = I need to complain

"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset" = of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly" = you need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight" = is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.

I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to
like.

I'll be ready in a minute." = Kick off your shoes and find a good
game on TV.

Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]

Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he
goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.