BAKED BEANS
>
> One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.
> When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme
> sacrifice and gave up baked beans.
> Some months later, on my birthday my car broke
> down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called
> my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to
> walk home.
> On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor
> of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I
> figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the
> diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
> All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
> arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for
> dinner tonight."
> He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
> I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise
> not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
>
> The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
> pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my
> husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my
> weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like
> a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
> I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air
> around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off
> three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
> Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other
> room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
> The pleasure was indescribable.
> When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more
> times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on
> it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
>
> My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He
> asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had
> not. At this point he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
> seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
> I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!