It's a good question. People still seem to believe the internet is full of millions of lonely, socially inept dweebs desperately masturbating with other lonely, socially inept dweebs pretending to be porn stars.

I suppose I can't blame them. Few writers bother to look beyond the fear to find other stories about sex in virtual spaces. And what television news program wants to report on normal people having a great time visiting and flirting and possibly sharing orgasms -- normal people who then log off and go about the rest of their normal lives?

It's true that cybersex is not for everybody, and it can be emotionally dangerous even if you're not in a committed offline relationship and risking infidelity. Some cyber partners even end up leaving the virtual space to get married. Ack!

But it still irks me that it's such a shock when I explain that having sex online does not mean it's your last resort. It could just mean you'd rather engage and relate than zombie-out in front of the television.

What people don't realize is that it's hard to find good sex online if you're a woman, and hard to find sex at all if you're a man. You can't just log into a webcam community and get laid, any more than you can join an online role-playing game and hook up without making any further effort.

You have to spend some time, talk to people, form relationships, and maybe -- just maybe -- sex will happen. Cybersex is a woman's world, didn't you know?

A man who not only respects that but enjoys it is a man who will not lack for online sexual partners. And if you're not willing to make the investment, go to a cam-girl site and pay to play instead.