I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

If its true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Definition of a teenager? Gods punishment for enjoying sex.

Definition of a Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if youre in the bathroom.

I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well it really chilled her mood.

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, theres shipping and handling, too.