I've been a regular reader of your column for years and I really admire your work. Sometimes your answers make me laugh.

I am a married woman with four kids. Three are from my marriage. Back in the 1980s I was in love with a guy but I left him for my husband. I was young and didn't know what I wanted then, but there was always this special love I had for him. This guy respected and loved me very much. I migrated over 20 years ago, but on several visits back home to Jamaica, I tried to get in touch with him.

We finally got in touch in 2002 and we started seeing each other. He, too, is married but has no kids with his wife. We rekindled our love for each other and have been together ever since. I try to visit him at least once or twice a year.

Pastor, I'm not in love with my husband because he has done so many things to hurt me. When we argue, he would tell me such bad things. I am not saying I'm a saint, but he has no respect for me. He puts his relatives first. He even went and fathered a kid one year younger than our son and, get this, my son didn't get his name (junior), but that little boy did, and this is tearing me up inside to the point where I resent this child.

The man I'm in love with in Jamaica is separated from his wife (not because of our relationship) and I would love to spend my life with him. He makes me laugh and relax. My husband and I don't share jokes or anything. If we have a conversation, it's about money. My husband is a very good provider, but I'm not happy. I need your help.

V.J., New York, USA

Dear V.J.,

I suggest that your husband and you go for counselling. You see there is always a place for forgiveness. People make mistakes and your husband has, but what have you done to mend the relationship? Nothing.

You have picked up your old boyfriend. I am not encouraging you in this direction. No way, madam.