Whenever people hear about domestic violence, the image of a man hurting a woman readily comes to mind. The idea of a woman abusing a man is unthinkable to many persons, especially in Jamaica. But we know better.

There are many of us who suffer at the hands of women, but it is such an embarra**ing experience, that most of us lie to cover our shame.

Men are in an intractable position. Most men - not all - were raised not to hit women. At the same time, we cannot allow ourselves to become the punching bags of abusive women. Males are labelled weaklings and sissies if they allow themselves to be beaten by women; and if men retaliate, they are lambasted for being wicked and inhumane. It's a lose-lose situation.

Abusive relationship

The man unfortunate enough to be in an abusive relationship often suffers in silence, with a bruised body and battered ego.

We don't have much public debate on violence against men because the preponderance of aggression towards women naturally focuses the public spotlight on them - and with good reason.

However, we need to pay attention to what is happening to men in our homes. Some of us are slaves to bossy women who run our lives and abuse us verbally and physically. Verbal abuse is much harder to take. This is what many women are good at. But some women do attack us physically, although we are physically stronger than they are. Many of them refrain from attacking us while we are awake. They wait until we are asleep or are completely relaxed. Then they strike.

When we take a chance and share our pain with a trusted friend, the shock and disbelief that often greet us is even more painful than the abuse. What do we do? We pretend that we got our bruises and scratches during our involvement in sports, or we had a fight with another man, or we had an accident. Any story is better than the truth.

The abuse of men and women goes beyond class boundaries. Domestic violence against men needs to be seriously and openly discussed if we want a better society. Only the truth will make a difference. Violence knows no gender.

Subjected to violence

Sometimes, men subject themselves to violence because we want to be perfect gentlemen, but there are times when women initiate the aggression and expect us to 'turn the other cheek'. But some of us do retaliate. I hasten to say that I do not condone any type of abuse - verbal or physical.

Women are organised and there are support groups for victims of domestic abuse. It is time for men to speak up rather than resorting to smoking and drinking and womanising in an effort to ease the pain.

Men are victims of domestic violence, too. Some of us are constantly humiliated before our children. Why do some men stay? Simply because they are afraid that their children might be used as pawns, taken away from us and poisoned by the skewed message that their fathers are worthless.

We don't want to fight in the courts for our children. Women usually win these battles.

Guys, it's time for us to break our silence on domestic violence. We can begin by sharing our experiences, even if we do so anonymously.