John Hood sits in a corner of the bar listening to melancholic oldies. He's tired and sleepy, but he's not ready to go home. His wife, Hermine, and children are up watching TV, and making noise in the house.

This morning, before he left, Hermine cussed him for all sorts of reasons. He was so upset he left the breakfast on the table. All he had to eat for the day was a bowl of soup at a cookshop down the road. The music plays sweetly, and he closes his eyes, and rests his head against the wall, wishing it were his pillow.

No attention

Since Beryl has been turning her back to her husband, George, every night for the last several weeks, he has come to the conclusion that it does not make sense living with a woman who is very cold towards him. Yet, he loves her and showers her with money and gifts. It was she who decided to move in with him after she discovered that she was pregnant. The child is now two; he was planning to marry her, but she seems only interested in his money and the child. So, he has decided he is not going to be a shadow in his own home. Tomorrow, he's leaving.

John and George are figments of my imagination, but they might as well be real. Their stories are relevant at a time when many Jamaican fathers are getting the flak for abdicating their manly responsibilities. As such, they are being blamed for many of the social ills in this country, and yes the blame must be placed at their feet if they are guilty as charged. And in many cases they are. With young men now overrunning the nation's schools and streets with crime and violence, the Jamaican man is now being pressured to take back the reins of fatherhood and leadership, and save our boys. It is the right call, and must be heeded.

Back against the wall

But, there are many Jamaica men who want to, but cannot because of their women. Give praise and commendation to the mothers, especially the single ones who nurtured and guided their children to be worthwhile members of the society. However, on the flip side, many Jamaican women have indirectly and directly driven their men out of the homes and away from their children, many of whom fell along the wayside. Such women, too, are to be blamed for the mess that we are in. And it starts with 'Miss Misery' and 'Madam Miserable'.

Misery loves company, but many men do not love misery. And when it comes in the form of an unending commotion of living with a nagging woman and a houseful of noisy children, the man is going to seek solace outside of the home. He might go to the bar, the betting shop, the corner shop piazza, or another woman's house, sometimes permanently. The woman, who nags a man, and sometimes for good reasons, is going to push him through the door, or cause him to stay out long and late.

Men like to be free, and nothing can be as suffocating as being fettered. As a caged bird, the least opportunity he gets he is going to fly away. Jamaican men, for the most part, do not want to be controlled, and sometimes they find themselves with controlling women. These women decided from very early that "no man nah rule mi". And many do get men whom they control.

Whims and fancies

But, the self-respecting Jamaican man is not going to be leashed, and be subjected to a woman's whims and fancies. He wants his space and time, to help in the decision-making process, to participate in the running of the household, a say in the spending of his money, and if he cannot, he is going to go away to a place where he has control over his life. Controlling and domineering women turn men away.

Then, there are the women who get into a man's life only for the sole purposes of financial security and procreation. There is not one iota of love for him. But, there is the house, the car, the properties, the money, and, of course, children. She will not be called a 'mule'. Having acquired all of the aforementioned, her true colours come shining true. The man is the main source of her sustenance, and nothing more. Having realised that love doesn't live in his house, the man is going to leave, children or no children, to find comfort elsewhere.

Speaking of comfort. The embarra**ment of living in a house with a child or children that he suspects are not his is a big shame for Jamaican men. Sometimes, he knows for sure, but he stays with the family for several reasons. But the time will come when he's going to get up and leave. He's going to be condemned; outsiders cannot and will never know the true story, the story of deception. For in many cases, the mother knowingly gives the child to the wrong father for a plethora of reasons. When paternity is a fraud, the woman must be charged.

Also, there is the situation when the man finds himself with a woman who has many children for different fathers, and so finds it very hard to be father to the children, some of whom become disrespectful. And just imagine if all those fathers, sometimes as many as five, should be present , whether individually or at the same time. Utter chaos and confusion. For the most part, these fathers are going to be absent, spending time with their other families and acquaintances. Having children for multiple fathers is not an economic solution. It contributes to the mosaic of social decadence.

Answers to the questions

Thus, the answers to the questions, Who is the father? Where is he? Why did he leave? are not hard to find. So, when in a Gleaner letter to the editor, titled 'Let's study why fathers flee', Lennox Parkins wrote, "I would like someone at the University of the West Indies' Social Sciences Faculty to study the real reasons we have so many absent fathers ...," I asked myself, "Are there unreal reasons? And why do we need a university study when we don't need a clear day to see that fundamental to the issue are some women who send these men fleeing? They are running from misery, control, deception, stepfatherhood, and from their own responsibilities.