For Kevin, being the other man has nothing to do with destroying the marriage of his woman on the side.

The 35-year-old has been dating Joan, 42, for five years. She is a business executive who is married with children. They met through work. The relationship started with emails and phone calls. Then they discovered they attended the same gym and the rest is history.

"It wasn't a matter of convenience; we just found each other attractive," Kevin said, an attraction which went beyond the physical. He later added, "You see somebody who is clearly that attractive. You have to work around your relationship."

Trips abroad

An art they have learnt well, as Kevin also has a girlfriend of four years. Their romantic rendezvous are often taken abroad to avoid being spotted, as they are both popular executives. Locally, they take trips to rural areas to keep their relationship discreet.

But, is it this game of hide and seek that keeps the intrigue going?

"There's some of that, it makes the meetings more intense," he said, emphasising that it's not the sole reason they stay together.

They have an understanding where they are open about their other relationships. He is not allowed to have any other outside relationship apart from theirs.

"It's a special relationship. It might sound weird. We deal with the risks because we care about each other," Kevin said.

However, he admitted that if he were to find out his girlfriend were having an affair, he would be hurt.

"I'm not about to pretend it's all right," he said, making reference to his relationship with Joan. Pointing out that feeling hurt if a partner is cheating would be a natural reaction. "But it's (infidelity) a more regular part of life than we want to admit. I would dare to say 80 per cent of the women I've been involved with have been in relationships at the time," he said, adding he never intentionally targets women who are involved. Their involvement just does not act as a deterrent if he finds the woman interesting enough.

Out of need

Yvonne Laughton Foster, a counselling psychologist with Family Life Ministries, said all relationships develop out of some kind of need.

For some people, a marriage provides financial and relational security, as well as security for children.

Kevin insisted that for Joan, however, she doesn't indulge in their relationship because something is wrong with her marriage. And it's really not something where she would leave her marriage to be with him.

"There has to be a reason why she's married for as long as she has been."

Women's affairs

Laughton Foster said a woman's affairs are usually viewed more harshly than a man's.

"The need to stray is the same, but how society views it is the difference."

She advised couples on how to attempt to keep their relationships intact.

"Have open lines of communication. Have a relationship where you can say, 'I saw so and so and I was attracted to him or her'," she said, further explaining that being honest with your partner helps both parties to toe the line and prevent jealousy from being the first reaction.