1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.  
2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.  
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.  
4. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.  
5. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.  
6. Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.  
7. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.  
8. Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.  
 
Great Truths About Life Adults Have Learned:  
 
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. <<<<<  
2. Families are like fudge; mostly sweet, with a few nuts.  
3. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.  
4. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.  
5. If you can remain calm while everyone around you loses their head, maybe you just don't understand the problem.