A Chicago area divorce lawyer died and found his way to the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven? The lawyer thought for a moment and replied, Last month I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street. Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was in fact true.

Saint Peter said, Well , thats fine, but that in itself just isnt enough to get you into Heaven. The lawyer quickly retaliated, Wait Wait! Theres more! Four years ago I gave another homeless person a quarter. Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this too had been verified.

Saint Peter, unsure of himself, whispered to Gabriel, Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow? Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,

Lets give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.