At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.
At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Door of a plastic surgeons office: Hello. May we pick your nose?
Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Texas funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a veterinarians waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
On a local plumbing company's trucks in NE Pennsylvania: Dont sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte.
Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming.
Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you.