As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,
"If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough
to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices
a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!"
So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?"
The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in."
The goblin replies "OK, you've got it."
The woman thinks some more..."My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too says the goblin."
"My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it,
But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me."
"OK if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
Damn", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"


The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands
right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her panties and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your panties!"
"And you never will if you don't change your attitude."


How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.


There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant.
So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.
The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty with the lid still on it.
Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing.
So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing.
Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried.
Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.


A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!"
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!"
She looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."