Dear Bella: Where to start? Lets see. Im 20 years, making 21 in a couple of months; for me Im a loving guy but Im kinda stress out because of a number of things but mostly my love life. Check?
I been seeing this girl for about two and half years and she had my daughter but the thing is with that my family dont know that I have a child but somehow people on Tortola knows. But heres the twist. I love her very much. I would die without her. She is the piece that completes me, but theres this other person thats been my best friend from since I was 13. Since the age of 17 I have been having feelings towards my best friend.
After I found out that I start having feelings towards him I started to suppress it because my best friend is a dude and I dont do them kind of things. I know how Tortola is so I do try not to think about it that much, but the more I try not to, the more I start becoming attracted to him.
I then started to avoid him and cut he off completely from my life; so it has been a year since I saw him, and last week when I saw him for the first time in a year he looks way better than the last time I saw him. I tried to avoid him by getting into one of my partners jeep which I had borrowed when they went off island for the weekend, but he still managed to see me and call me. So since he saw I cant just get in and drive away so I hail back and he came over to me. We were there for a few minutes chatting and for that whole time I been thinking oh man, why me lord, why me. He is so darn fine, so after we were chatting he asked me where I was going.
I told him I was going home to change to go college, so he asked if I could drop he Cane Garden Bay on my way home. I told him sure why not? Truly, I didnt want to because I wasnt able to drive that long distance with he because I would have exploded and said something to him that I thought would make him mad.
On the journey to Cane Garden Bay he was talking about this girl he was seeing from Rock aka St. Thomas and that he loves her but then he also said that something was holding him back from marrying her, and I was like all this been going on for a year, you got to be kidding me. So he continue saying that from since I stop talk to he, he was asking himself why I did that, if he had said or done something to me. I said no its jus a personal reason why I did that. I told him it was not only him I did that to. But I lied when I told him that because I didnt want him to know the real reason why.
So my girl had call ma phone when I was passing Big Bens, so I pull over and answered it and she ask me what I was doing so I told her I was dropping one of my old friends them home, and she ask who it was. When I told her she paused and said oooooook ahyo be ok and drive safe. I said ok with a look on ma face to mean why she went on so.
I just left it there, right there; so I continue driving, so he asked me a question that sounds odd. He asked if I had missed talking to him. I watch he and said kinda because I miss having a friend to hang out with so yea. And then he said he miss me a lot and thats what holding he back from marrying the girl. I said thats bull and ask he if he was drunk or high. He said no, so when we reach up by him, he told me to come in for we to chat some more, to catch up on the last time we miss. So I went in and to make a long story short we did some sexual actions then later I found out yesterday that the girl he love is the same I love for two years; so Bella what to do?
Stressed and confused
Dear Stressed and Confused:
I don't know where to start with you as yours is a complicated case. You say you love the mother of your child and in your words would 'die without her'. In the same vein this is a child you've hid from your family, denying them and the child the right to know each other. That's immature. THEN, to compound things you're having feelings for your childhood male friend, feelings which led to sexual acts.
I won't seek to condemn you - I leave that up to you and whatever god you believe in. What I will say is that you must be careful and that you need to think about who you want to be and go along with that lifestyle. You cannot be in love with two people at the same time - worse, you cannot be in different spectrums of sexuality - you need to choose one.
You're young, and young people often feel the need to experiment and probably this is what you're doing. However by age 21 most people already know in what category they fall and this is what's confusing about you. I get the feeling that you allowed teenage infatuation to get in the way of common sense, and that you allowed someone you respected and liked to take advantage of you. While it's OK to experiment sometimes, it's never OK to do so at someone else's expense. Note that you're a father now, and supposedly someone's boyfriend. Your days of p*u**yyfooting around are over.
I would advise you to do some soul searching - fast. Talk to someone please, a preacher as you cannot do this by yourself. It's important that you settle the issues with your sexuality before you end up hurting the people you claim to love.
If at the end of your soul searching you find that you prefer men, then be honest and stick to that. If you want to be with his girl, then you need to be honest with her too. I'm not saying that you should spill the beans to her - because there are some secrets that you should take to your grave - but under no circumstances can you continue playing both ends of the field and playing with two people's emotions any longer.
Crackaz2006 said
19:18 01/29 2008
KABOOOM!!!!!
Crazypickney said
13:51 01/30 2008
My gosh man!!! this is sooooo wrong on both levels
Where to start? Lets see. Im 20 years, making 21 in a couple of months; for me Im a loving guy but Im kinda stress out because of a number of things but mostly my love life. Check?
I been seeing this girl for about two and half years and she had my daughter but the thing is with that my family dont know that I have a child but somehow people on Tortola knows. But heres the twist. I love her very much. I would die without her. She is the piece that completes me, but theres this other person thats been my best friend from since I was 13. Since the age of 17 I have been having feelings towards my best friend.
After I found out that I start having feelings towards him I started to suppress it because my best friend is a dude and I dont do them kind of things. I know how Tortola is so I do try not to think about it that much, but the more I try not to, the more I start becoming attracted to him.
I then started to avoid him and cut he off completely from my life; so it has been a year since I saw him, and last week when I saw him for the first time in a year he looks way better than the last time I saw him. I tried to avoid him by getting into one of my partners jeep which I had borrowed when they went off island for the weekend, but he still managed to see me and call me. So since he saw I cant just get in and drive away so I hail back and he came over to me. We were there for a few minutes chatting and for that whole time I been thinking oh man, why me lord, why me. He is so darn fine, so after we were chatting he asked me where I was going.
I told him I was going home to change to go college, so he asked if I could drop he Cane Garden Bay on my way home. I told him sure why not? Truly, I didnt want to because I wasnt able to drive that long distance with he because I would have exploded and said something to him that I thought would make him mad.
On the journey to Cane Garden Bay he was talking about this girl he was seeing from Rock aka St. Thomas and that he loves her but then he also said that something was holding him back from marrying her, and I was like all this been going on for a year, you got to be kidding me. So he continue saying that from since I stop talk to he, he was asking himself why I did that, if he had said or done something to me. I said no its jus a personal reason why I did that. I told him it was not only him I did that to. But I lied when I told him that because I didnt want him to know the real reason why.
So my girl had call ma phone when I was passing Big Bens, so I pull over and answered it and she ask me what I was doing so I told her I was dropping one of my old friends them home, and she ask who it was. When I told her she paused and said oooooook ahyo be ok and drive safe. I said ok with a look on ma face to mean why she went on so.
I just left it there, right there; so I continue driving, so he asked me a question that sounds odd. He asked if I had missed talking to him. I watch he and said kinda because I miss having a friend to hang out with so yea. And then he said he miss me a lot and thats what holding he back from marrying the girl. I said thats bull and ask he if he was drunk or high. He said no, so when we reach up by him, he told me to come in for we to chat some more, to catch up on the last time we miss. So I went in and to make a long story short we did some sexual actions then later I found out yesterday that the girl he love is the same I love for two years; so Bella what to do?
Stressed and confused
Dear Stressed and Confused:
I don't know where to start with you as yours is a complicated case. You say you love the mother of your child and in your words would 'die without her'. In the same vein this is a child you've hid from your family, denying them and the child the right to know each other. That's immature. THEN, to compound things you're having feelings for your childhood male friend, feelings which led to sexual acts.
I won't seek to condemn you - I leave that up to you and whatever god you believe in. What I will say is that you must be careful and that you need to think about who you want to be and go along with that lifestyle. You cannot be in love with two people at the same time - worse, you cannot be in different spectrums of sexuality - you need to choose one.
You're young, and young people often feel the need to experiment and probably this is what you're doing. However by age 21 most people already know in what category they fall and this is what's confusing about you. I get the feeling that you allowed teenage infatuation to get in the way of common sense, and that you allowed someone you respected and liked to take advantage of you. While it's OK to experiment sometimes, it's never OK to do so at someone else's expense. Note that you're a father now, and supposedly someone's boyfriend. Your days of p*u**yyfooting around are over.
I would advise you to do some soul searching - fast. Talk to someone please, a preacher as you cannot do this by yourself. It's important that you settle the issues with your sexuality before you end up hurting the people you claim to love.
If at the end of your soul searching you find that you prefer men, then be honest and stick to that. If you want to be with his girl, then you need to be honest with her too. I'm not saying that you should spill the beans to her - because there are some secrets that you should take to your grave - but under no circumstances can you continue playing both ends of the field and playing with two people's emotions any longer.