Forum: Funny Stuff
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR 2008 IT MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
New Presidential Candidate... It's someone we know FROM D ZONE PEOPLE!!!!!!!
http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=370743&altf=Ojdlrvbof&altl=Tubogpse
Send back a note to let me know what you think!
-- Edited by Nickquane at 23:33, 2008-10-08 -- Edited by Nickquane at 23:34, 2008-10-08 -- Edited by Nickquane at 23:34, 2008-10-08
-- Edited by Nickquane at 23:35, 2008-10-08
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She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring
Evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch a nd sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'Apri l Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
This is some funny sh** Check out the link LMAO!!!http://www.qn5.com/pack/Papi.wmv
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. You know what? says the 6 year old. I think its about time we started cussing. The 4 yearold nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, When we go downstairs for breakfast, Im gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.. The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, Aw, hell, Mom, I guess Ill have
some Cheerios. WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, You can stay there until I let you out! She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man? I dont know, he blubbers, but you can bet your fat ass it wont be Cheerios!
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it.
She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrives in front of God and complains: "I thought you said I had another 30 years.
God replies, "I didn't recognize you."
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when
it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'
He asked her as to why she was going and she told him "I've just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free".
He thought for a second and then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the step with his wife.
She said "And just where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going too!!" he replied.
"Why?" She asked.
"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year"!
know sumptin', womon, we have a wonderful new system at de Fire
Station...
Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings, we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings, we jump on de engine and we's ready to go.
So from now on womon, when I say 'Bell one', I want you to strip naked.
When I say ' Bell two', you jump on de bed.
When I say ' Bell three', we's gonna mek love all tru de night girl.'
The next night he came home and shouted:
'Bell One!', and his wife stripped naked.
'Bell Two!', and she jumped on the bed.
'Bell Three!', and they started to make love.
After a few minutes, the wife yelled out 'Bell Four!'.
'WOMON... What da hic is 'Bell Four'?', he asked.
She replied 'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, Man, YOU AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR DA
FIRE!!!!'
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1043.jpgThey were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
After an exciting hot, nice and rejuvenating 69 with his girlfriend, Johnny remembers that he has an appointment with his dentist that evening.
He was afraid that his dentist would notice the smell of vagina in his mouth, so he brushed his teeth 457 times, used dental floss 248 times and on top of that he used 15 liters of listerine.
As he arrived at his dentist office, he *u*ked 25 mint candies. His turn then came up so he was welcomed in by his dentist, who told Johnny to have a seat on the chair.
looking well relaxed and with his mouth wide open.
The dentist got close enough to his mouth and said:
-Man, how come you do 69 before you come to my office?
-What's up Doctor? Does my mouth still smell like vagina?
-No, your mouth smells good, but your forehead smells like .
http://www.zshare.net/audio/18993743396ced3e/
she gonna bruck har neck...
dat di killa back inna di days...
-- Edited by GTonic at 08:37, 2008-09-23
idiat bwoy...
and him a think him scary...
-- Edited by GTonic at 06:09, 2008-09-24
michael starts crying
"wats wrong" asks robbie
michael replies"my head doesnt fit in the railings"
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