This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
   so he went to the
   doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
   sex, to stick his
   finger in his wife's p*u**yy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
   smell would cause his
   hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
   decided to make his
   move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
   in her p*u**yy, and then
   rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his c**k, and it began
   to stiffen. Amazed, he
   decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
   in her p*u**yy, then
   rubbed them both under his nose, and his c**k quickly jumped to 3/4
   erect. He decided to
   try 3 fingers, so he put them in her p*u**yy, then rubbed them all
   around under his nose.
   Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
   "Honey, quick
   turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
   with his dick standing
   tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
   said, "Looks like the
   worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"

-- Edited by Garrick at 00:47, 2009-01-01

---

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they
try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping
on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely
ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained
for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular and about 20 years old.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that
reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):

I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel
with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as
follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him):

I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the
Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.

You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many
more times than 54 goes into 18.

---

---

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=V89LjrlcjMc]

---

Download Link: (For This countries only please: US, DE, ES, GB, FR, IT, CA, PT, NL, BE)
Click here to Download

got this in my mail....


President Truman in the Lincoln made for President Roosevelt


1950 Lincoln with first bubble top - Eisenhower's idea


1961 Continental X100 - Kennedy was shot in this vehicle


1972 Lincoln - Nixon, Ford, Carter and Reagan


1983 Cadillac Reagan


1989 - Used by President George H. W. Bush


1993 Cadillac - President Clinton


2001 Cadillac DTS - President George W. Bush



Guess WHO?

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, im confident. ur friend also my son, hat's
confidential!

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant

THIS GUY MAKING SOME SERIOUSE CASH

-- Edited by dappa75wifie at 00:54, 2008-12-28

---

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes :

"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"

She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:

"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"

The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from HIM:

"I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!

YOU USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!

http://www.funny-videos.co.uk/videoogen.html

-- Edited by ANDRE_DESIGNZ at 09:03, 2008-08-01

See more funny pictures and videos at Fugly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIXX99-Rt-w&eurl=http://www.jamworld876.net/

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know something Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house."

---

At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, boss? This is Leroy, the caretaker at your country house.'

'Ah yes, Leroy. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'

'Um, I am just calling to advise you, boss, that your parrot, he is dead.'

'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?'

'yes boss, that's the one.'

'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'

'From eating the rotten meat, boss.'

'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'

'Nobody, boss. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'

'Dead horse? What dead horse?'

'The thoroughbred, boss.'

'My prize thoroughbred that won the c**kspur Gold cup?'

'Yes, boss.  He died from all that work pulling the water cart.'

'Are you insane?? What water cart?'

'The one we used to put out the fire, boss.'

'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man?'

'The one at your house, boss! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'

'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?'

'Yes, boss.'

'But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?'

'For the funeral, boss.'

'WHAT *lo**Y FUNERAL??!!'

'Your wife's, boss, she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your cricket bat the one which was autographed by Sobers, Lara and Viv.

THEN THERE IS SILENCE...A LONG SILENCE FINALLY THE BOSS SPEAKS

'Leroy, if you brek my bat, you in nuff ra**hole trouble'

-- Edited by Dj_Rubbut at 02:22, 2008-12-29

http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf

-- Edited by Nickquane at 18:40, 2008-12-28

A few minutes before the church services started, the towns people were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance,trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Everyone had ran from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Satan walked up to the old man and said "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," said the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years"

mi nuh know if dis post yet, but mi still a post it, plus a mi first post ^_^

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do that, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.

"Guaranteed, Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he called them up and subscribed to the 3-day / 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there was a knock on his door, and when he answered, there stood before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young gal dressed in nothing but Nike running shoes, and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign read, "If you can catch me, you can have me!"

Without a second thought he took off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally caught her and had his way with her. After they were through and she left, he thought to himself, "I like the way this company does business!"

The same girl showed up for the next two days and the same thing happened. On the fourth day, he weighed himself and was delighted to find he had lost 10 pounds, as promised. He called the company and ordered their 5-day / 20 pound program.

The next day there was a knock on the door and there stood the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that read, "If you catch me, you can have me." He was out the door after her like a shot. This girl was in excellent shape and it took him a while to catch her, but when he did, it was worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happened. Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighed himself and found he had lost another 20 lbs, as promised!

He decided to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/ 50 pound program. "Are you sure?!" asked the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replied, "I haven't felt this good in years"

The next day there was a knock at the door and when he opened it he found a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that read, "If I catch you, you're mine."


Seet deh hope ennu like e

---

CHECK THIS OUT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0rVZGL33Xg

-- Edited by KINGK at 12:19, 2008-06-24

A Christmas Poem

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat

The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook

It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.


When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.

And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A c**k ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!
Return to


-- Edited by Dj_Rubbut at 21:00, 2008-10-16

Leroy from Port Antonio always wanted to look cool. His friend told
him that he needed a good designer pair of sneakers to go with his
sweat-suit. Leroy saved up all his pay slips and all the money he got
back from returning his empty bottles of Red Stripe and finally
managed to get himself a pair of brilliant white sneakers to go with
his sweat-suit.
Proudly, he strutted down the street calling out to all the passers
by, 'See mi new sneakers dem? Cool, eh?' One fine upstanding
gentleman pointed out that they were indeed a fine pair of sneakers,
but young Leroy had a lace undone. Leroy scornfully retorted that it
was part of being cool to have a trailing lace, and that on the bottom
of the sneakers there were instructions for the wearer to only have
one lace tied.
When asked for proof of this instruction, Leroy took off his Sneakers
and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read.
'See it deh! It seh ' TAIWAN '.

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates, and then quickly replies, "Ummm, they are making cakes." The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again, she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "making cakes." The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the Mother says, "Yes. How did you know?" She explains, "Because I licked the icing off of the sofa."

http://www.startvg.com/videos/scarymary.html

-- Edited by Nickquane at 22:48, 2008-12-17

jus sumting fa di xmaz lolz

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"