MAN comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends"

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we
should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints...

In Lucia u wud hear da anthem .... He He HE HE HEsalop!!

CANADIAN: Excuse me little girl, can I fit in there?
JAMAICAN: Hey, pickney, small up youself!
TRINI: smallie, gimmeh ah pass dey
BAJAN: Scotch rung!

CANADIAN: That woman is overweight.
JAMAICAN: Lawd, look how she fat and spread out like mash bullfrog.
TRINI: Oh jeesan, dah woman realllll fat
BAJAN: You, she big as shite ya.

CANADIAN: You are such an attractive woman.
JAMAICAN: Gal you look like fresh vegetable.
TRINI: Darlin', yuh lookin' real good
BAJAN: Psssstt ! My friend!

CANADIAN: I really would like for us to be intimate.
JAMAICAN: Gal, mi wan be wid you.
TRINI: Chek nah, ah wan tuh breed yuh.
BAJAN: Yuh gunna gimme piece or wha?

CANADIAN: There are a lot of men out there that I can date besides you.
JAMAICAN: Tree no grow in me face yu know.
TRINI: Real men chek fuh me
BAJAN: When one door shut anudder one does open.

CANADIAN: He is such a womanizer.
JAMAICAN: Him walk bout like dawg, every light post him si, him haffi stap.
TRINI: Hees ah real sweetman
BAJAN: Heez de man.

CANADIAN: You really should get him out of your life dear.
JAMAICAN: Dat dey man jus a block traffic, tell him fi ease off.
TRINI: Done dat man oui
BAJAN: Yuh should leff he raaaaassshole!!!

CANADIAN: He is such a kind, sensitive man.
JAMAICAN: Him a saawfas man.
TRINI: Heez a sorfman
BAJAN: Heez a buller !

CANADIAN: You have a crumb on your face, dear.
JAMAICAN: You look like when fowl come from mango walk.
TRINI: Yuh have ting on yuh face
BAJAN: Uh uuuh!!! Wuz dah on you face???

CANADIAN: Oh, I see you are entering puberty.
JAMAICAN: How you face bumpy-bumpy like grater so?
TRINI: Yuh face real juk up
BAJAN: Ya face look like a ripe sour-sop.

CANADIAN: Honestly, I don't know the answer.
JAMAICAN: Ah wah you a bodda me guthole fa?
TRINI: I eh know!
BAJAN: WHA???

CANADIAN: Hors d'heurves
JAMAICAN: Ah wah dis yah likkle sinting you a gi me?
TRINI: Wey de food ?
BAJAN: Horse Derves.

CANADIAN: Casserole
JAMAICAN: Putto-putto
TRINI: Pelau
BAJAN: Cou-Cou

CANADIAN: Aeroplane
JAMAICAN: Silver bird
RINI: Tri Star
BAJAN: Bee-wee

CANADIAN: Bank teller
JAMAICAN: Bank clark
TRINI: Big wok
BAJAN: Tellar

CANADIAN: Taxi
JAMAICAN: Robot
TRINI: Maxi
BAJAN: ZR

CANADIAN: Speed bumps
JAMAICAN: Sleeping Policeman
TRINI: Road humps
BAJAN: Cheese don bread, dem tryin' tuh mash up muh ra**hole shocks!

CANADIAN: He looks upset
JAMAICAN: Him have screwface
RINI: Dat man real vex
BAJAN: He real screwpouch ya.

CANADIAN: She sleeps around
JAMAICAN: She whorin
TRINI: Real men dig dat gurl
BAJAN: Boy you, she wutless as shite!

YOUR BUYER



Your Lender...


Your Appraiser...


Your Tax Assessor...

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years".

A guy dials his home number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that w*tch and the j*rk she's with."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?"
"Uh..... Is this 832-4821?"

Women's Friends:


A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's ten best friends. None of them had seen her or knew what he was talking about.


Men's Friends:


A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.' Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered (Continue below - This is great) 'THE TEETH.'

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,
"If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough
to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices
a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!"
So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?"
The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in."
The goblin replies "OK, you've got it."
The woman thinks some more..."My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too says the goblin."
"My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it,
But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me."
"OK if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
Damn", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"


The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands
right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her panties and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your panties!"
"And you never will if you don't change your attitude."


How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.


There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant.
So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.
The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty with the lid still on it.
Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing.
So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing.
Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried.
Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.


A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!"
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!"
She looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient:

Q. How much is two plus two?
A: Blue.

At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room.

Turning to the second patient, he asks what is six minus three? To which the patient replies: Square. Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, "How much is five plus five?" The patient answers very confidentally: Ten. The doctor, amazed then inquires how did you figure it out? The patient: "Easy.Blue multiplied by square equals ten."

---

---

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"  

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her 
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for 
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on 
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the 
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her 
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. 

Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever 
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told 
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence.  
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens 
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one 
morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy. 
he added, "but confidentially, I changed c**ks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me 
too."

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, You can have her shipped d home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?
The man replied, Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just cant take that chance.

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device.... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. 'You impotent pig ,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!' The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: 'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.'

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the c**ktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didnt want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first womans husband phones the other husband and said, These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties. Thats nothing, said the other. Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!

i kno the guys will agree.. whahaaa

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten! The woman said, Thats okay.

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to.

The woman replied, Thats okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me. So, KAZAM-shes the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.

The woman said, Thats okay, because whats mine is his and whats his is mine. So, KAZAM-shes the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, Id like a mild heart attack.

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Dont mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think theyre really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

-- Edited by Dj_Rubbut at 23:38, 2008-12-04

Ras Jonah was advised that his uncle wanted to see him b4 he died, so Ras Jonah quickly grabbed the nearest items and headed to the bus park in Ocho Rios. Before the departure, Ras Jonah had with him a big bag of weed & a Rooster in a Box, in which he placed the Rooster under the seat and the Weed on the seat, because he wanted to get something to eat.

So upon returning, Ras Jonah discovered his weed bag moved from the window seat and a BIG FAT Lady occuping the seat. Knowing that his uncle is in a sick state, he didn't wanted cause any fuss to halt his journey, so he went ahead and sat down beside the huge lady.


Now the journey has ended and it's now time to get off the buss, so Ras Jonah picked up his Weed Bag, paid the conductor and continue to exit the park. Then it dawned on him that he left his Rooster under the seat, so he went back and saw that the BIG FAT LADY was still sitting there with the rooster under her seat. So ras Jonah with no hesitation says to the enormous lady:

"Sista open up yu leg dem wide, so dat mi can tek out back mi C.O.C.K!!!!!!!" 

Di baby tired yuh Fret!!!

JEEZE AN PEAS

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own beat. The woman c**ked her ear, "Quick! My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried.

The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door. "What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.

"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you," she replied with a knowing smile.

"Great," he said, "I'll just step into the bathroom and I'll be with you in two shakes." Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.

"Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded.

"I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths," the lover replied.

"But.. but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband.

The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said, "The little bastards!"

thier was this kid that always got picked on at school. everyday his friends and kids that whent to school always said to him f**k you.well the dumb kid always was curious about what
the word f**k means. one day he got real
sad and wanted to know what it meant,so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father. he yelled
"pah"and then his pa came out and asked what hell you want boy? the boy said "pah" what does f**k mean. and then his pah said son i think its time you knew what f**k mean. pah then yelled out "mah" get down here son want sto know what f**k mean. mah comes down stairs pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your posission.he turns to his son and said son you see that pink spot on mah."uh huh"watch your pah go to work. then the boys sister came in the door and says what are they doin? the boy turns his head
and with a smile he says they f**kin.
sister says what does f**k mean.

WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH"uh huh" WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK.

Found this some where on the internet and thought I would share.....

1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know."

2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"

3) "How come it's so BIG in there?"

4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before---right?"

5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the
underwear,...OK?"

6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that CAT food?"

7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!"

8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!"

9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."

10) "Do you know what a 'douche' is?"

11) "Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow."

12) "I want you to try some of MY deodorant."

13) "I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every Tuesday night or something?"

14) "Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!"

15) "I never saw a girl with hairy tits before!"

16) "I've been getting these little blisters lately...."

17) "You wanna do those dishes before you leave?"

18) "You should go wash that, the cabbie will think something DIED in there!"

THE DAY THE P.ENIS ASKED FOR A RAISE...
I HEREBY REQUEST A RAISE IN SALARY FOR THE FOLLOWING READONS.
- I DO PHYSICAL LABOUR,
-I WORK AT GREAT DEPTHS
-I DONT GET WEEKENDS OR PUBLIC HOLIDAYS OFF
-I WORK IN A DAMP ENVIROMENT
I WORK IN A DARK WORKPLACE THAT HAS POOR VENTILATION
I WORK IN HIGH TEMPERATURES
-MY WORK EXPOSES ME TO CONTAGIOUS DISEASES.

SINCERLY
P. NISS

RESPONSE:

DEAR P.NISS

AFTER ASSESING YOUR REQUEST & CONSIDERING THE ARGUMENTS U HAVE RAISED, WE HAVE DENIED UR REQUEST FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS...

- U DONT WORK 8HRS STRAIGHT
-U FALL ASLEEP AFTER BRIEF WORK PERIODS
-U DONT TAKE INITIATIVE
-U NEED TO BE PRESSURED & STIMULATED INTO STARTING WORK
- LEAVE THE WORK PLACE RATHER MESSY AT THE END OF UR SHIFT
-U DONT ALWAYS OBSERVE NECESSARY SAFETY REGULATIONS, SUCH AS WEARING CORRECT PROTECTIVE CLOTHING.
-UR NOT ALWAYS ABALE TO WORK DOUBLE SHIFTS & AS IF THAT WASNT ALL, U CONSTANTLY ENTER THE WORK PLACE CARRYING 2 SUSPICIOUS BAGS.

YOURS SINCERLY

V.GINA

This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?" "Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel.

She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first P**y you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says,

"Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, Ive got a big problem, doctor. Every time were in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.

 

My dear, the doctor said, thats completely natural. I dont see what problem is?

 

The problem is, she complained, it wakes me up.

There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgious women.

Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream.

The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.

The chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming *lo**y murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the chinese guy goes "Me chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!"

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a P**y to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he *u*ked it and f**ked it,
and called it a cunt.

---

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house.
She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked, soft music was
playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work,"
the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress,
he instantly becomes romantic and ravishes me for hours on
end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,
put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD,
and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying
there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually."

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

His funeral will be held next Thursday......

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife,

"Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."

"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"Yep," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?"

Sure enough, the two stripped down to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady replied breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"That don't surprise me," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

JAPANESE GIRL WAS HAVING SEX AND ACCIDENTLY FARTED.
SHE SAID" OH ME SO SORRY U MAKE FRONT  HOLE SO HAPPY BACK HOLE BLOW U KISS"

-- Edited by Dj_Rubbut at 00:26, 2008-10-20

1. It's legal to earn money playing hockey
2. Many people play hockey even after they're married
3. The puck's always hard
4. The protective equipment is reusable
5. It lasts at least an hour
6. A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon
7. You always know how big the stick is
8. You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding
9. You can change players on the fly
10. You don't have to be embarra**ed if you don't get the puck up
11. Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds
12. Your parents cheer when you score
13. Periods last only 20 minutes
14. You're sure to get it at least twice a week
15. You can tell your friends about it afterwards

1.  Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 
2.  Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 
3.  Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
 
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
 
5.  Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
 
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
 
8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying FK YOU!
 
9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking  'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.

See What Happened!!!


Part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjvr73WEzAM

part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdOP9xmNJpg


Part 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsKa6u1L0gM