Thank Heaven 4 ADSL

How does can dis happen???

One night 3 rats was lingering in a woman bedroom, then suddenly a man came in so they ran. 1 run into the woman vagina, the other into her butt and the last 1 into between her boobs.

The man started to have sex with the woman and when he finish the rats ran off into the bathroom and started talking.

They asked how it felt:
The first one said(vagina); "all i feel is a ball head man jus a juk mi so"
The second 1 said(butt); "all i feel is a piece a wind lick mi, i swear a hurricane"
The last one said(boobs); "i feel a man a knead mi like flour"

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1. If my heart were a baked potato, Id serve it to you with extra butter and sour cream. 2. Your terrible personality isnt so terrible after a few drinks and even when I sober up, its not as terrible as everyone says. 3. Id shave my entire body with a dull, rusty razor blade and take a vinegar bath for you. 4. I am rubber, you are glue, any feelings you have for me bounce off and stick to you. Ironically, I feel the same way. 5. The other day I saw this little girl day drop her whole ice cream cone on the ground and start bawling. After I stopped laughing, I thought, Im the same way when you dont call when you say you will. 6. I saw you in the morning, on the toilet, and I didnt run screaming. So there. 7. Hug me. If you let go -- you lose. 8. Umm like you and me? Yeah. You and me. 9. You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate. 10. You are the hole in my donut. 11. I am the pork, you are the beans. 12. You make me want to vomit little chocolate hearts. 13. You are my personal parachute. 14. If you were a margarita, Id drink you by the bucket. 15. I really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like you. 16. If I had my junior high dance to do all over again, Id lean against the far wall, stare at you, and hate myself for not asking you if you liked the punch. 17. I dont love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely. 18. Ill still want to have sex with you even when youre old, fat, and ugly. 19. You had me at Stop following me. 20. Your farts smell like vanilla. 21. Were a two person chain gang. 22. I am valedictorian of the University of You. 23. If you needed a kidney transplant, Id also throw in a bonus lung. 24. The wet, fatty ball of muscle and sinew that pumps my thick, steaming *lo** to all of my internal organs starts to beat irregularly when you come into my line of sight. 25. You are to me what Oprah is to mediocre self-help gurus. 26. While youre in the shower, I collect your skin flakes from the sheets and now I carry them around in this little napkin I keep tied around my neck. 27. You suck! So good. 28. If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, Id gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself. 29. When I was a kid I was kind of stupid and I thought it would be fun if I stuck a fork in the wall socket and obviously I was thrown across the room. Well, that shock that made my teeth chatter and my hair fall out? Thats like you. 30. We are totally codependent and I dont want it any other way. 31. This is the happily ever after part of the damn fairy tale, dig? 32. If you were a handful of genital crabs, Id never change my underwear. 33. Im not saying we shouldnt see other people. Im just saying Ill chase whoever you see out of town with a nail-studded baseball bat. 34. I am your blank check. Dont bounce me. 35. Shut your piehole! Okay -- now kiss me with that beautiful piehole. 36. If you were in a horrible accident and they put your head in a saline solution-filled fish tank, Id feed you, change your water, and carry you on my back everyday until they built you a kick-ass robot body. 37. If given the choice between playing roundball like Michael Jordan or raising rugrats with you in a trailer park then Id be the first to stand in line to buy diapers. 38. Youre such a f**king ass***le! And so am I. Lets forgive each other, get drunk, and screw. 39. If I was smart, Id follow you around like a puppy and never, ever crap in the corner. 40. Not only would I carry you out of the factory and drive away you away on my sweet chopper Id also buy you a beer and a basket of fries. 41. I wrote you a poem: You walk in beauty like the night/ which means youre the hottest babe in sight/Come home with me so I dont get in a fight/I agree with what you said: you are always right. 42. Im a grown up and just face the facts that youre my security blanket. 43. You dont know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Lets split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge. 44. Not only would I die for you, Id b*t*h slap Satan a good one, too. 45.Look: youre the only one allowed in my bunker. So go get some batteries while Ill clean my shotgun. 46. Im a junky for your instant messages. 47. I had the weirdest dream last night: I was waking up just as dawn was breaking, but instead of the sun rising on the horizon, it was your glowing face. You were smiling and glowing and it felt to good. Isnt that just strange? I have NO idea what that means. Pass the ketchup. 48. Youre my best and only naked friend. 49. Id smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumor. 50. Lets set aside cool, ironic detachment for just a moment, shall we? I love you. Wow wasnt that just like lame movie Reality Bites? Youve never seen it? Its awesome in a totally stupid way.

This nuh realli mad still

Mother In Law from Hell

3 tief went to rob a house in the country.
Upon robbing the house the police was notified while the tief make there get away in the bushes. With the police in hot persuit of there trail the tiefs decided to hide in a mango tree.

While in the tree they started eating some mango. The police notice some slippers at the root of the mango tree police said " A WHO FAH SLIPPERS DIS".

Tief 1 "responded mine officer" police shoot him out the tree. Tief 1 clothes was stain with mango so the police asked " How you clothes yellow up so" Tief 2 responded " Him did a eat mango".

Police shoot Tief 2 out the tree and say " DAMN FOOL before him sit and keep him baxcide quiet in a di tree" Tief 3 started laughing and say " Hey a dat me a do"

Remember 2 t8k ur Pampers & Huggies wit wen u go on safari

-- Edited by JSMURF19 at 22:54, 2009-01-27

WHAT U WANT WHITE BOY????

-- Edited by Kingnuddy at 11:44, 2009-01-28

Little Johnnie was learning new words. "Mum, what's p*u**yy?" Mother pointed at the cat and said, "That's a p*u**yy." "Mum, what's a bitch?" Mother pointed to their female dog and said, "That's a bitch." Johnnie wanted to confirm this information with his father. "Daddy!" he said excitedly, "What's a p*u**yy?" Father pulled out the centrefold of the Playboy magazine and drew a circle around the appropriate part. "Son", he said, "that's a p*u**yy." "Well, Dad, what's a bitch?" "Everything outside the circle", replied his father.

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER AND ONE OLDER WOMAN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. 'I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.'

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN S HE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.... 'WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!'

Dj Kaos
To di World

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Caution if you have weak constitution do not watch..... Otherwise LOL

Click here to watch vedio

---

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!

"Yeah," I said, Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute!

"Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"

So I hung up.

---

Always get the full details before making or taking offers! lol

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else.

One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you a $2000 if you let me have sex with you...'

The girl looked at him, then said, 'NO.'

Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll
finish by the time you've picked it up.'

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.... so she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $4000, pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down and call me when it's over.'
She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45
minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened....? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had pure one dollar!'



Management lesson: Always consider a
business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

But .... Wait a minute... .

Husband wakes at 5 inna di morning feeling really horny he nudges his wife and says "honey give us a blow job" His wife says " sweetheart im tired, jus have a wank in a lass and i will drink it in the morning"

Career Day

[youtube=http://www.myvideoflex.com/obama-whatever-i-like/ti-whatever-you-like-spoof-video_c2b7945f7.html]

I was walking down the beach the other day & saw a woman with no arms & no legs.
I felt for her so I went up and asked, "have you ever been kissed?" she said she hadn't, so I kissed her.
Then I asked, "have you ever had your tits caressed?" she said she hadn't, so I caressed them.
The I asked "Have you evr been f**ked?" She said no I haven't, so I picked her up, threw in the water & said "now you f**ked!"

Q: Why don't they let blind people go bungie jumping?


A: Scares the shit out of the guide dogs!

EDITORIAL CARTOON

Terrorist take flite

TEACHER: Why are you late? WEBSTER: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables! -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"? JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it! *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O! *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*--*-*-*-*-*-*--*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. GEORGE: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: George! -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLY: Me! *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty? TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? JOSE: Don't bite any. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". ELLEN: I is... TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am." ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." *-*-*-*--*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand." *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father : No. Why do you ask that? Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then? *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots! Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers." *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog! *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Pupil : A teacher.

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!"
Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.

Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you,I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!" However, he was somewhat flattered that he might resemble one of her former lovers.Then again he got a little panicky.

"I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!

He sat in his car, holding his head in his hands, never realizing that she was his son's second grade teacher.

well sum a u might know dis 1 already....

Wot a Way 2 celebrate his b day

Retaliation against the Parents

African Tribesman cummin across a dime

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT4AxEEEwTo

f*king ediat

CLICK ME



-- Edited by bLaCkBeatZ at 13:31, 2009-01-25

-- Edited by BEN at 13:54, 2009-01-25

play

white man:walking in the hoods hear a little noise, he said to his frens lets go an see what is it.
black man:walking in the hoods hear a little noise,he sai to his frens yo hear that mi gone to r**s
white man:them see wah duppy inna dehm house them get up an go look pon the person what are you doing here
black man:mi inna house an mi hear wahn littl noise then mi see man inna three peice suit they walk come to mi open all the room door before we even reach it
white man:yo step pon a white man toe an dont seh sorry he laughs  and said sorry 
black man:yo step pon a black man toe an nuh seh sorry ,them get man an seh a wah do them b*m bocloth people yah man yo not even seh sorry to r**s

The cat dat had 2 muc of a gud ting