A Man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has
stayed out too late and is in for trouble when he gets home.
'No problem' says his friend, 'Do what I do to my wife. Sneak into the
bedroom, crawl up under the blanket between her legs and do a little oral
sex! She'll forget all about being mad and fall right asleep.'

So the guy gets home to a dark, quiet house. He creeps in as quietly as he
can and tiptoes into his bedroom.

Following his friend's advice, he proceeds under the blanket and does the
deed to gentle moaning and finally, soft snoring.

Quite pleased with himself, he heads to the bathroom to change his clothes,
when he is startled by the sight of his wife sitting on the commode.

'Shhhhhhh................,' she says, 'Mother's in town.'

 A Jamaican moved to Barbados and bought a donkey from an old Bajan farmer for $100.00.  The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.  The next day, the Bajan farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry, but I 'have  some bad news. The donkey dead.'
De Jamaican said, 'Well dat alrite, just gi mi, mi money back.'  'Can't do that. I spend the money already.' De Jamaican said, 'Ok, den. Just leave the donkey wid me.'
  
'What are you going to do with it?' the Bajan farmer asked.

   

FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01,2007
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be an open bar & plenty of food We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! AChristmas tree will be lit at 1:00PM. Exchange of gifts among employees can bedone at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only forouremployees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to youandyour family.


FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O2, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to excludeour Jewishemployees. We recognizethatHanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides w 'Christmas,though unfortunately notthis year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those stillcelebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be noChristmas tree.No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of musicfor yourenjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.


FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O3, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member ofAlcoholicsAnonymous requesting a
non-drinking table ...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AAOnly"; youwouldnt be
anonymous anymore. Howam I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange isallowed since the union members
feel that $10.00 is too much money & executives believe$10.00 is alittlebit chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 
FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O4, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse groupwe are!
I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating & drinking during daylight hours.There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how aluncheon at this time of year does notaccommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. PerhapsThe Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party -or else package every thing for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet & pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays areallowed to sit witheach other. Lesbians do not have to sit w/Gay men, each will havetheirown table. Yes, there will beflower arrangement for the Gay men'stable. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowedthough we will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people w/high *lo** pressure to taste 1st. There will be freshfruits as dessert for Diabetics, therestaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?


FROM:CrazyPickney,MediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O5, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had itwithyou people!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, &you'll get your f**ingSalad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.They scream when you slice them I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you allhave arotten holiday! Drive drunk &die,
The b*t*h from HELL!!!


FROM:STAINLESS.,ActingMediaZoneJA Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December O6, 2007
RE:CrazyPickney andHoliday Party
I 'm sure I speak for all ofus in wishing CrazyPickney a speedy recoveryand I'll continue
to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party &give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off withfull pay.
Happy Holidays!

this maaad

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the c**ktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

A deep-throated virgin named Netty
Was *u*king a c**k on the jetty.
She said, "It tastes nice,
Much better than rice,
Though not quite as good as spaghetti."

There was a young lady of Totten
Whose tastes grew perverted and rotten.
She cared not for steaks,
Or for pastry or cakes,
But lived upon penis *au gratin*.

whats the difference between michael jackson and a PS3? ....................................nothing there both black and both get turned on by children

 The sky was dark
                        The moon was high
                        All alone just she and I
                        Her hair was soft
                        Her eyes were blue
                        I knew just what
                        She wanted to do
                        Her skin so soft
                        Her legs so fine
                        I ran my fingers
                        Down her spine
                        I didn't know how
                        But I tried my best
                        I started by placing
                        My hands on her breast
                        I remember my fear
                        My fast beating heart
                        But slowly she spread
                        Her legs apart
                        And when I did it
                        I felt no shame
                        All at once
                        The white stuff came
                        At last it's finished
                        It's all over now
                        My first time ever























At milking a cow

 

        

I'm sure you can imagine 
As plain as can be 
The place is Piccadilly 
The players He and She.

She whispered "will it hurt me?" 
"Of course not" answered he 
"It's a very simple process, 
You can rely on me." 

She said "I'm very frightened, 
I've not had this before. 
My friend has had it five times 
And said it can be sore". 

Then finally contended 
Lay back and relax a bit 
Quickly and readily he bent over her 
And then he started it. 

It was growing rather painful 
Tears formed in her eyes 
It was hurting quite a bit now 
It must have been quite a size. 

"Calm yourself" he whispered 
His face was filled with a grin 
"Try and open a bit wider 
So I can get it in". 

"It's coming now" he whispered 
"I know" she cried in bliss 
Feeling it deep within her now 
She said "I am glad I am having this". 

And with a final effort 
She gave a frightened shout 
He gripped it in anguish 
And quickly pulled it out. 

She lay back quite contended 
Sighed and gave a smile 
She said "I'm glad I came now 
You made it worth my while". 

Now if you read this carefully 
The dentist you will find 
Is not what you imagined 
It's just your dirty mind! 

well my mind is clean so i can't understand what these pics are saying. can some1 tell me please dwl.

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.

"Well, yes" said the one woman. "We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"

"Oh," said the artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went "Home for Lunch."






-- Edited by bad4life71 on Sunday 22nd of March 2009 10:42:16 PM

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

-- Edited by Dj Quiva at 00:27, 2009-03-08

This skettel gal jumped into a taxi to go downtown,
then realizes she didn't have any money to pay for her ride once she reached her destination.
So she got out of the taxi, walked over to the drivers window, lifted up her skirt, and said:
"Mi no have no money, but mi can pay you wit dis instead".
The taxi driver thought for a moment, then ask the girl: "Mek mi see dat again".
She smiled, lifted her skirt again and asked: "So, do we have a deal?".
The taxi driver looked at her and said,
"...You nuh have nutten smaller?"

Teacher:   Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask
him for $6, how much would your father still have? 
Ted:          $10. 
Teacher:   You don't know Maths. 
Ted:         You don't know my father!


Mother:    David, come here.
David:      Yes, mum.
Mother:    You really disappoint me.. Your results  
are getting worse.
David:       But I will only get my report book tomorrow. 
Mother:     I know that, but I'm going Hong Kong
tomorrow so I'm scolding you now.


Father:   Why did you fail your Mathematics Test?  
Son:      On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father:   So? 
Son:      On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.  On Wednesday,
             she said 6 + 2 = 8. If she can't make up her mind,
             how do I know the right answer?  


Girl:    Do you love me?
Boy:   Yes Dear. 
Girl:    Would you die for me?
Boy:    No, mine is undying love


Man:    How old is your father?
Boy:    1 year older then me 
Man:    How can that be? 
Boy:    He became a father only when I was born  


Teacher:   Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? 
Simon:      No, teacher. It's the same dog!  


Father:    Your teacher says she finds it impossible 
to teach you anything!
Son:        That's why I say she's no good! 


Teacher:    Where were you born? 
Student:     Singapore , Sir. 
Teacher:    Which part?
Student:    All of me, Sir.


Teacher:   How come you do not c**** your hair? 
Ah Kow:   No c****, Sir.
Teacher:   Use your dad's then. 
Ah Kow:   No hair, Sir.


A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did you get?' asked his father.  
'My marks are under water,' said the boy. 
'What do you mean 'under water'?'
'   They are all below 'C' (sea) level!'

Tell mi wot yuh tik coz sum r stupid others hillarious...wot r ur fav's

lol....maaaaad

-- Edited by BRAINSBOX at 22:20, 2009-02-15

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys
his age rather
curious.
He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out'
from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and
how it was done.
One day he took his question to his mother, who
became rather flustered. Instead of explaining
things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the
curtains one night and watch his older sister and
her boyfriend.
This he did. The following morning, Johnny described
EVERYTHING to his mother.
"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while,
then he turned off most of the lights. Then he
started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must
be getting sick, because her face started looking
funny.
He must have thought so too, because he put his hand
inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way
the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the
doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding
her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because
pretty soon both of them started panting and getting
all out of breath.
His other hand must have been cold because he put it
under her skirt.
About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and
sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end
of the couch. This was when her fever started. I
knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt
really hot.
Finally, I found out what was making them so
sick......-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants
somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood
there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he
grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got
big, and her mouth fell open, and she started
calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it
was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell
her about the ones down at the lake by our house!
Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by

biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it
with both hands and held it tight while he took a
muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the
eel's head to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a
scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of
the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight.
Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend
almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill
the eel by squashing it between them.
After a while they both quit moving and gave a great
sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they
killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there,
limp, and some of its insides were hanging out.
Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the
battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He
started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the
eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started
to fight again.

I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or
something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to
kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute

struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was
dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin
off and flush it down the toilet.

LOL mi side a hot mi

lol mi granny use to seh nuh perfect man nuh tek, there is only Mr "i'll work with this one"   dwl dwl

Don't watch it yo got a weak stomach....

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/27251/6ef25e3c/belspel_braak_meisje.html

And if a repost. *u*k it up.

-- Edited by Saint--0121 on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 08:12:54 AM

COMEDY MONDAYS http://www.ramjamradio.com/Ramjam%20Xrated.html

TAKE A PREE IF THERES NO DJ PLAYING ON MZ

JUST PUT THE SOUND UP ON THE PLAYER

Dem Gyal Ya Nuh Have Nuh Head!!!!

http://hpnotikqrew.blogspot.com/2009/03/jamaica-be-wallin-out-dancehall-dancin.html



- Deezy

(3 October 2004, Galati, Romania) Constantin, 67, lived in a formerly peaceful village near Galati. But lately Constantin couldn't get any sleep, all because of a single noisy chicken. Night after night he dreamed of wringing its neck, or even better, chopping its head off and eating it. One night, he finally had enough. He roused himself from bed and headed out to the yard in his underwear, determined to bring silence to his home. The sleep-deprived villager grabbed that chicken by the neck and chopped its head right off. Only then did he realize that he had confused his own penis for the chicken's neck. While Constantin stood stunned by his folly, his dog rushed over and gobbled up the treat. He was rushed to the hospital, bleeding heavily. Doctors sewed up the wound and pronounced him out of danger. He is also in no danger of reproducing.

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always caused him a great deal of embarra**ment shortly after eating them. The reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized she might be even more embarra**ed and humiliated by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.

Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, the smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to go, and decided that he could walk off any after-effects before reaching home. Before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even as he left the cafe, the effects began to be felt. He pooted up a hill, and poot-pooted down the other side. As he grew closer to home, the frequency and forcefulness diminished greatly, and he felt reasonably safe.

Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency. As he waited just outside his front door to release one last effort, his wife threw open the door. She excitedly exclaimed, "Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you." She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.

When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and loudly broke wind. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he took his napkin and began to fan the air about him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let her rip. It sounded like a tuba and smelled so bad that he started gagging. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful urge. He shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This was the prize-winner. The windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping one ear on the conversation in the hallway, he continued like this for the next 15 or 20 minutes, fanning away each time with his napkin. When the sounds of farewells indicated the end of the telephone conversation, he neatly laid his napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife returned to the room.

Apologizing for talking so long, she asked if he had peeked. After assuring her that he had not, she removed the blindfold, revealing the dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

> MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE > > NICKNAMES > If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other > Laura, Kate and Sarah. > If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to > each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. > > EATING OUT > When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, > even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything > smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. > When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. > > MONEY > A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. > A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on > sale. > > BATHROOMS > A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, > shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . > The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. > A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. > > ARGUMENTS > A woman has the last word in any argument. > Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. > > FUTURE > A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. > A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. > > SUCCESS > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can > spend. > A successful woman is one who can find such a man. > > MARRIAGE > A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. > A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. > > DRESSING UP > A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the > trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. > A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. > > NATURAL > Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. > Women somehow deteriorate during the night. > > OFFSPRING > Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows > about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite > foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. > A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. > > THOUGHT FOR THE DAY > A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people > remembering the same thing!

>My b*m**oclaat fren
>>>?
>>>Dear ra**hole:
>>>
>>>
>>>You are my b*m*oclaat bredren
>>>and I hope you know that's f**king true.
>>>
>>>No matter what the ra** happens
>>>I will stand the f**k by you.
>>>
>>>I will be there for you,
>>>whenever the *lo**claat you need me
>>>to lend you a b*m*oclaat hand to do
>>>a f**kin good deed.
>>>
>>>So just b*m*oclaat call on me
>>>whenever the ra**claat you need me 
>>>bredren.?????????????????????????????????????????????????? Cho ra** ... I 
>>>will b*m*oclaat always be ra**claat there to the *lo**claat end.

>>>

-- Edited by BABY on Saturday 14th of March 2009 02:34:09 AM