a wah dem a go do now????
dwrcl!!!!

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KINNA OLD BUT STILL

-- Edited by juice5050 on Thursday 23rd of April 2009 11:56:32 AM

[video=]

-- Edited by bblunt at 01:42, 2009-03-08

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ANSI does it in the standard way ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal. BARBERS do it with shear pleasure. BARTENDERS do it on the rocks. BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base. BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often. BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey. BEER BREWERS do it with more hops. BEER DRINKERS get more head. BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds. BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry. BOSSES delegate the task to others. BOWLERS have bigger balls. BRICKLAYERS lay all day. BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber. BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time. BUTCHERS have better meat. C'Bers do it on the air. CAMPERS do it in a tent. CARPENTERS hammer it harder. CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor. CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm. CHEMISTS like to experiment. CHESS PLAYERS check their mates. CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation. CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically. CLOWNS do it for laughs. COACHES whistle while they work. COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs. COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs. COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop. COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software. CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation. CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it. COPS have bigger guns. COWBOYS handle anything horny. COWGIRLS like to ride bareback. CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls. CREDIT MANAGERS always collect. DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds. DEADHEADS do it with Jerry. DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck. DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts. DENTISTS do it in your mouth. DETECTIVES do it under cover. DIETICIANS eat better. DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack. DIVERS do it deeper. DOCTORS do it with patience. DRUGGISTS fill your prescription. DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time. DRY WALLER'S are better bangers. ELECTRICIANS check your shorts. ENGINEERS charge by the hour. EXECUTIVES have large staffs. FARMERS spread it around. FIREMEN are always in heat. FISHERMEN are proud of their rods. FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard. FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush. FURRIERS appreciate good beaver. GARBAGE MEN come once a week. GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses. GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day. GEOLOGISTS are great explorers. GOLFERS do it in 18 holes. GYMNASTS mount and dismount well. HACKERS do it with fewer instructions. HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs. HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency. HANDYMEN like good screws. HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision. HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer. HUNTERS do it with a bang. INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers. INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house. INVENTORS find a way. JANITORS clean up afterwards. JEWELERS mount real gems. JOGGERS do it on the run. LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper. LAWYERS do it in their briefs. LIBRARIANS do it quietly. LOCKSMITHS can get into anything. LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer. MACHINISTS make the best screws. MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye. MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet. MANAGERS supervise others. MARKETING REPs do it on commission. MILKMEN deliver twice a week. MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done. MINERS sink deeper shafts. MINISTERS do it on Sundays. MISSILE MEN have better thrust. MODELS do it in any position. MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters. MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs. MOVIE STARS do it on film. MUSICIANS do it with rhythm. NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing. NURSES call the shots. OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under. OPERATORS do it person-to-person. OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face. PAINTERS do it with longer strokes. PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash. PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion. PILOTS keep it up longer. PLUMBERS do it under the sink. POLICEMEN like big busts. POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected. POSTMEN come slower. PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets. PRINTERS reproduce the fastest. PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end. PROFESSORS do it by the book. RACERS like to come in first. RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall.. RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it. REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots. RECYCLERS use it again. REPAIRMEN can fix anything. REPORTERS do it daily. RESEARCHERS are still looking for it. RETAILERS move their merchandise. ROOFERS do it on top. RUNNERS get into more pants. SAILORS like to be blown. SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues. SCIENTISTS discovered it. SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5. SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop. SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls. SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists. SPELUNKERS do it underground. SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay. STEWARDESSES do it in the air. STUDENTS use their heads. SURGEONS are smooth operators. TAILORS make it fit. TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town. TAXIDERMISTS mount anything. TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking. TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals. TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls. TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks. TRUCKERS carry bigger loads. TYPISTS do it in triplicate. VETERINARIANS are p*u**yy lovers. VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up. WAITRESSES serve it piping hot. WATER SKIERS come down harder. WELDERS have hotter rods. WRESTLERS know the best holds. WRITERS have novel ways. ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

10. Come on, who's gonna find out?

9. I promise you wont choke.

8. Can I get you in the pooper?

7. Trust me, I'm a professional.

6. Well, your sister likes it like that.

5. Wow look at the ass on her!

4. Now why cant your boobs be that big?

3. I gotta poop.

2. Oh you forgot to shave today too?

1. I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

dah one yah loo still!!

rahtid!!!!

da one yah mad still

HOW WOULD U FEEL IF U HEAR:

-- Edited by magician_jc on Friday 24th of April 2009 09:49:11 PM

dah one yah kind a loo still!!

listen closely he said "new ears at the end"

granny tink she smart!!!

Spoogie pon Mentaly Insane Riddim

spoogie_special.mp3 - 1.6 Mb

idle mi a idle wid vdj

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The guy in back, Paul, says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"

Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul, shut up!"

Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, "Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.

The guy in front says, "Hey Paul, where's all your excitement now?"

Paul says, "All over your back!"

---

Yo' momma's so fat, her nickname is "DAMN!"
Yo' momma's so fat, people jog around her for exercise!
Yo' momma's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas!
Yo' momma's so fat, I have to take a plane, a train, and an automobile just to get on her good side!
Yo' momma's so fat, when you get on top of her, your ears pop!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she has sex, she has to give directions!
Yo' momma's so fat, yo' daddy's idea of foreplay is setting up the on-ramps!
Yo' momma's so fat, you haveta roll over twice to get off her!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate!
Yo' momma's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she orders everything on the menu, including "Thank You, Come Again"!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps!
Yo' momma's so fat, the sign outside one restaurant says 'Maximum occupancy, 512, or YO' MOMMA!'
Yo' momma's so fat, when she wore a yellow raincoat, people said, "Taxi!"
Yo' momma's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo' momma's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a sign that said, "Caution! Wide Turn!"
Yo' momma's so fat, when she stands in a left-turn lane, it gives her the green arrow!
Yo' momma's so fat, we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet!
Yo' momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for their new world!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo' momma's so fat, when Scorpion did the harpoon throw on her, he got arrested for whaling!
Yo' momma's so fat, she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo' momma's so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun!
Yo' momma's so fat, her shoes have to have license plates!
Yo' momma's so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she went to Sea World, she came out with a paycheck!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too!
Yo' momma's so fat, they use her underwear elastic for bungee jumping!
Yo' momma's so fat, when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house!
Yo' momma's so fat, she fell in love and broke it!
Yo' momma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210, it was on a scale!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she gets on the scale, it says, "We don't do livestock!"
Yo' momma's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it said, "Please step out of the car!"
Yo' momma's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes "New York, L.A., Chicago..."
Yo' momma's so fat, even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo' momma's so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white and chunky!
Yo' momma's so fat, she rolled over four quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo' momma's so fat, she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo' momma's so fat, her senior pictures had to be aerial views!
Yo' momma's so fat, every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo' momma's so fat, she left the house in high heels and when she came back, she had on flip flops!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she hauls *ss, she has to make two trips!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she hauls *ss, she has friends come help!
Yo' momma's so fat, even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo' momma's so fat, she has a wooden leg with a kick stand!
Yo' momma's so fat, they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo' momma's so fat, you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she dances at a concert, the whole band skips!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she runs, she makes the CD player skip...at the radio station!
Yo' momma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs!
Yo' momma's so fat, the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures!
Yo' momma's so fat, she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist, they spelled out "boulevard!"
Yo' momma's so fat, instead of Levi's 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's!
Yo' momma's so fat, she has her own brand of jeans: FA - Fat *ss Jeans!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she was walking in her jeans, I swear I smelled something burning!
Yo' momma's so fat, she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse!
Yo' momma's so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Yo' momma's so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks!
Yo' momma's so fat, they had to let out the shower curtain!
Yo' momma's so fat, she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat!
Yo' momma's so fat, her picture fell off the wall!
Yo' momma's so fat, she don't have cellulite, she has celluHEAVY!
Yo' momma's so fat, she eats Wheat *Thicks*!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she sweats, people wear raincoats around her!
Yo' momma's so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her I.Q.!
Yo' momma's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing HER peanuts!
Yo' momma's so fat, it say on her driver's license "Picture continued on back."
Yo' momma's so fat, NASA orbits a satellite around her!
Yo' momma's so fat, people use her dandruff as quilts!
Yo' momma's so fat, she runs on diesel!
Yo' momma's so fat, she thinks a balanced meal is a ham in each hand!
Yo' momma's so fat, she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship!
Yo' momma's so fat, she won Miss Bessie the Cow, 96!
Yo' momma's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
Yo' momma's so fat, the Himalayas are practices runs to prepare for her!
Yo' momma's so fat, to her, 'light food' means under four tons!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she's in a jacuzzi, she makes her own gravy!
Yo' momma's so fat, cars run out of gas before passing her fat *ss!
Yo' momma's so fat, her doctor's a grounds keeper!
Yo' momma's so fat, McDonald's has to change their sign every time she eats there!
Yo' momma's so fat, she can smell bacon frying in Canada!
Yo' momma's so fat, she got hit by a car and the car sued for damages!
Yo' momma's so fat, she had her ears pierced with a harpoon!
Yo' momma's so fat, she wears a microwave for a beeper!
Yo' momma's so fat, she wears pillow cases for socks and hula hoops to hold them up!
Yo' momma's so fat, she went to the salad bar and pulled up a chair!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she sits on a chair, she makes paper!
Yo' momma's so fat, Neil Armstrong landed on her in 1969!
Yo' momma's so fat, she has to be fed by slingshot!
Yo' momma's so fat, she walked in front of the TV, and I missed three commercials!
Yo' momma's so fat, the shadow of her *ss weighs 50 pounds!
Yo' momma's so fat, her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Hershey Kiss!
Yo' momma's so fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets!
Yo' momma's so fat, her navel gets home 15 minutes before she does!
Yo' momma's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Yo' momma's so fat, if she was a super hero, she would be the Incredible Bulk!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she auditioned for a part in "Indiana Jones," she got the part as the big rolling ball!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose!
Yo' momma's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she wears a red dress in the summer, kids run after her yelling, "Kool Aid! Kool Aid!"
Yo' momma's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall!
Yo' momma's so fat, she has to sleep in the barn with the rest of the cows!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she talks to herself, it's a long distance call!
Yo' momma's so fat, if she put her hand on her hip, she would look like a gallon of milk!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she stood in front of the HOLLYWOOD letters we thought we were in the hood (HO*****OD)!
Yo' momma's so fat, she's got a zit on her butt that's known as Mt. St. Helen!
Yo' momma's so fat, she uses the freeway as a slip 'n slide!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she needs a shower, she goes to a car wash!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she starts a marathon, she's already at the finish line!
Yo' momma's so fat, she pays taxes in three countries!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she wears a yellow shirt, people wear sunglasses!
Yo' momma's so fat, she needs to use a boomerang to scratch her fat *ss!
Yo' momma's so fat, she gets her dresses made by Barnum and Bailey!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she last went to church, nobody would leave until she sang!
Yo' momma's so fat, her nickname is the Badyear Blimp!
Yo' momma's so fat, she was standing at a corner and the cops came over and said, "Hey! Break it up!"
Yo' momma's so fat, I kept trying to leave her, but I couldn't escape her gravitational pull!
Yo' momma's so fat, she has her own asteroid belt!
Yo' momma's so fat, she can kick start a 747!
Yo' momma's so fat, if she was two feet taller, she'd be spherical!
Yo' momma's so fat, she was kidnapped by a cannibal tribe, and they all died of cholesterol!
Yo' momma's so fat, she got a ticket for going the wrong way down a one way street when she was walking!
Yo' momma's so fat, she doesn't sit, she spreads!
Yo' momma's so fat, she was born on the 4th, 5th and 6th of March!
Yo' momma's so fat, she was stopped by police dogs at the airport for having 300 lbs of crack under her dress!
Yo' momma's so fat, she lives in two time zones - supper time and dinner time!
Yo' momma's so fat, in school when she stood up and turned around, she would erase all the black-boards in the room!
Yo' momma's so fat, it took God one day to create the earth and five days to create yo' momma!
Yo' momma's so fat, the local police hired her to be a roadblock!
Yo' momma's so fat, she bumps into people even when she's sitting down!
Yo' momma's so fat, she don't take pictures, she takes posters!
Yo' momma is so fat, when she walks down the street in a green dress, everybody yells, "Run for your lives! It's GODZILLA!"
Yo' momma's so fat, when she sings, it's over!
Yo' momma's so fat, they use her underwear for the screen at the movies!
Yo' momma's so fat, she hula-hooped the super bowl!
Yo' momma's so fat, to her, "light food" means under four tons!
Yo' momma's so fat, the Himalayas are practice runs to prepare for her!
Yo' momma's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get the f**k off!
Yo' momma's so fat, Thanksgiving Day, she ate dinner for six hours, then said, "I am going to walk this meal off." I said, "Call me when you get to Brazil!"
Yo' momma's so fat, she has to wear a hat with a blinking red light to scare off the airplanes!
Yo' momma's so fat, if she wears fish-net stockings, they'd better be fifty pound test!
Yo' momma's so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-g*d-it's-coming-towards-us!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly, they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway!
Yo' momma's so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to hell!
Yo' momma's so fat, she can't wear Daisy Dukes - she has to wear Boss Hoggs!
Yo' momma's so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than Thomas' English Muffin!
Yo' momma's so fat, she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big!
Yo' momma's so fat, she's 36-24-36...but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
Yo' momma's so fat, she sat on the corner and the police came and said, "Break it up!"
Yo' momma's so fat, she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out!
Yo' momma's so fat, she has to buy two plane tickets, and she doesn't even notice the armrest!
Yo' momma's so fat, when she lays down, stunt men try to jump over her!

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal...

loooo!!

SEE IT YAH

LMAO.........

---

There was an old man in a bar who was staring at a punk in the corner. The punk had multicolored, spiked hair and multicolored feather earings.

After a while the punk got mad and said to the old man "What are you staring at?"

"Back when I was in the Royal Navy I got really drunk one night and f**ked a parrot.
I was wondering if you were my son.

 

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me....

 Love, Dad

 

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
                                                                    Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the Yams and Potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
-