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Forum: Funny Stuff

Share all jokes here, funny pics etc...(PS...warn members of uncensored/adult jokes)

Deathwish

May 23, 2009
Started By PrincessLeah6 Comments
Deathwish
SAFE MASTURBATION IS GREAT MASTURBATION

Everyone knows masturbation is an extremely enjoyable way to spend some time. The problem is, some people enjoy it so much and get into it so heavily that they begin to venture into areas that aren't safe. But there is absolutely no reason why you should get hurt masturbating. In most cases common sense is all that's needed to keep you out of harm's way but common sense can get cloudy in the heat of ecstacy. So here are some safety guidelines to keep in mind when you masturbate.

Penis Safety

The penis isn't a terribly delicate organ but it is made of skin and flesh, after all. In fact, the skin is much thinner on the penis than, say, on your hand or arm, so it can actually get damaged pretty easily.

1. Never insert your penis anywhere there's a chance it could get stuck. If it gets stuck just a little it will swell, and then it'll be stuck for good. A friend who's an emergency-room physician once had to use a diamond-cutting saw to remove a metal wheel bearing from a man's penis. You do not want to be that man! Few things could be more embarra**ing than walking into an ER with an injury caused by an irresponsible sex act. Before you try to have sex with a bottle, think for a minute about what that would be like.

2. Don't try to enlarge your penis using any non-medical method. A larger penis is something most guys would really like, and some do anything to try to get it. That's why there are so many "penis-enlarging" devices being sold in the backs of magazines by unscrupulous people out to make a buck. But these devices can be harmful. They can unnaturally stretch your tissues, and the ones that use a vacuum pump can be really bad for the *lo** vessels of your penis, which are responsible for erection. Even if these devices worked, what would you rather have: a natural penis that works, or a slightly larger one that will never get erect again? Don't believe the hype your penis is fine the way it is, and treat it well.

3. Don't masturbate with a vacuum cleaner. Many guys, in an attempt to simulate the suction action of oral sex, play around with a vacuum cleaner hose. For the same reasons as #2, this is a bad idea. Anything that creates more suction than a human mouth can injure you. Lubes

JackinWorld recommends that you masturbate with some kind of lubrication. It's certainly possible to masturbate safely "dry" (with no lube), but if you're inexperienced, have vigorous technique, or go for a long time it's pretty easy to chafe yourself. However, avoid using soap or shampoo as a lube. When applied with ferver to such a sensitive body part, some kinds of soap and shampoo can have a reaction where the skin gets extremely dried out. We've received numerous "PLEASE HELP!" letters from guys who tell us their penis skin has suddenly turned leathery and cracked, or the skin has begun massively peeling. Although it eventually heals, it can be scary, and we don't want you going through that.

So what is a safe lube? Certainly any commercially available personal lubricant, some of which are sold in stores and some by mail order. Baby oil, mineral oil, Vaseline petroleum jelly, and even cooking oil are safe. (But never use an oil-based lube with a condom it will cause it to weaken and break.) Also any kind of skin lotion, such as Lubriderm, is safe. It's generally safe if it's made to be applied to the skin and it's gentle. (Most soaps and shampoos are not very gentle see #2.) And pretty much anything that's safe to eat is safe to apply externally. Hot Stuff

Some people like to masturbate with a warm object, like a hot water bottle or something that gets warmed up in the microwave oven. But you need to be careful when you masturbate with artificially warm objects. Always test the temperature on another sensitive part of your body, such as your cheek or the inside of your forearm. A good rule of thumb is if it's too hot for you to firmly hold your finger against the object for more than a few seconds, then it's much too hot to masturbate with. You could injure your genitals masturbating with hot objects.

Here's another potentially dangerous technique: Masturbating while immersed in hot water, such as in a hot tub. Since masturbation raises your heart rate and causes you to sweat, doing so in a hot tub can make it impossible for your body to cool itself normally. Your body temperature can rise to dangerous levels, and you can get dizzy and even pass out not good. The hotter the water temperature, the more dangerous this is, and if you're adding a physically strenuous element (like humping against something) it's more dangerous still. Bottom line: Don't masturbate in a hot tub. It can really get you in hot water. "Injaculation"

There are techniques where you squeeze or press certain areas of your body at orgasm to keep the semen from coming out. JackinWorld discourages this practice, mostly because nobody is certain how safe it is. Dr. Drew Pinsky from MTV's Loveline has said that if done repeatedly it may affect long-term fertility, and we can't see how causing such unnatural pressure in your reproductive ducts can be anything but bad for them. So the official word from JackinWorld is let your semen out of your body when you ejaculate. That's the way it's supposed to work. The Self-*u*king Thing

You can injure yourself trying to *u*k your own penis. A lot of guys want to be able to give themselves oral pleasure to stimulate their own penis with their mouth. Unfortunately, only a small percentage are able to do this, either because their penis is very large or because they're unusually limber. But a lot of people have injured themselves trying we heard from one guy who once spent a couple of weeks in the hospital for a spinal injury he got while trying to do this. So, never put unusual strain on your back trying to reach your penis with your mouth. It's not worth the risk! Safety With Others

1. Mutual masturbation is considered safe sex but it can lead to other things that aren't so safe. (For information about what is and is not safe sex, or more accurately "safer sex," go here.) There are a lot of diseases out there AIDS, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and chlamydia, to name a few of the more familiar. Some STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) are deadly and some are just annoying, but you should do your best to stay away from all of them. And pregnancy does happen to young men and women just like you. So learn the principles of safer sex and then put them into practice, and don't deviate from them. You don't want to die from having unprotected sex, and you don't want to create an unwanted human being. The world has far too many of those as it is. Be a responsible person.

2. Be really cautious over the Internet. Never give out personal information about yourself that could help someone track you down if they wanted to especially an address or phone number. Don't agree to meet anyone in person, except perhaps for a friendly date in a public place. Always envision the worst possible outcome if you meet someone in a restaurant at noon there's not much that could happen, but if you agree to go to someone's home you're asking for trouble. Don't do it.

Final Thoughts

By no means is this page an exhaustive list of the risks you encounter when you masturbate outside the norm. As stated earlier, your best bet is to always use common sense and imagine the worst possible thing that could happen if something went wrong. For instance, if you think it would be cool to masturbate with a large mirror hung several feet over your bed, what would happen to you if it fell on you? Ordinarily you'd probably be smart enough not to hang a mirror over yourself, but in the heat of a masturbation session, sometimes we do foolish things. And sometimes we get hurt.

Don't hurt yourself masturbating. Stay safe when you enjoy yourself that way you can still enjoy yourself tomorrow.








Funny Signs

May 22, 2009
Started By PrincessLeah5 Comments
Funny Signs

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Freaky Face

May 23, 2009
Started By PrincessLeah4 Comments
Freaky Face

McPimpin'

May 23, 2009
Started By PrincessLeah3 Comments
McPimpin'

Bong Area....... LOL

May 22, 2009
Started By PrincessLeah9 Comments
Bong Area

Yall not have "BONGS" in Jamaica???? WTF?

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-- Edited by PrincessLeah on Friday 22nd of May 2009 11:45:13 PM

beckham gets busted

May 21, 2009
Started By keiton910011 Comments
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No more running out of paper!
If Women Ruled the World

Places would be more like home!
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They would know where to park!
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Car shopping would be easier!
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They could multitask!
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Driving would be easier!
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They would anyways have the right tools!
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No more looking to see if the seat is down!
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Simplified computing!
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REVENGE!
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-- Edited by PrincessLeah on Wednesday 20th of May 2009 10:37:46 PM

Devil appears
Objects Appearing in Unusual SpotsObjects Appearing in Unusual Spots

Face in the clouds
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Dog stained into the wall
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Elephant Cliff
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Mad man in the sky
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Famous face on Mars
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Virgin Mary Sandwich
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Mother Theresa cinnamon roll
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Pig Smoke
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Rasputin?
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Skull in Rock
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Face Squeeze
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Real Warrior!!

May 22, 2009
Started By PrincessLeah7 Comments



Real Warrior

Snow Anatomy

May 22, 2009
Started By PrincessLeah4 Comments
Snow Anatomy

real fire man lol

May 21, 2009
Started By keiton91008 Comments
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the mind of a man

May 21, 2009
Started By keiton91009 Comments
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whoops

May 21, 2009
Started By keiton91005 Comments
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-- Edited by PrincessLeah on Thursday 21st of May 2009 08:34:12 PM
Sorry.... pics aren't displaying cry.gif I don't know why.... no

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-- Edited by PrincessLeah on Saturday 23rd of May 2009 12:57:19 AM
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Stop fooling around..... we need to save Dave!
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That's My DJ!
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Stacy! WTF!? You summoned a snake!
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cool baby

May 22, 2009
Started By keiton91001 Comments
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