Photoshop is so powerful

TAKEN FROM DK's Signature

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband standing around with a fly swatter 'What are you doing?' She asked. 'Hunting Flies' He responded. 'Oh. ! Killed any?' She asked. 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied. Intrigued, she asked, 'How can you tell them apart?' He responded, '3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

Saw Dis Video On Youtube And Just Wanted To ShARE wITH THE ZONE.SOME OF YOU PEOPLE MIGHT SEE IT B4 BUT 4 ALL WHO DIDN'T CHECK DIS OUT.

-- Edited by Gangsta Natz at 01:39, 2008-10-21

Mi freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

WOMEN AS EXPLAINED BY ENGINEERS

PART I

PART II


PART III


PART IV

PART V



:lol::lol:

This Jamaican woman felt that her love life was slipping because her husband had no more interest in sex.

While shopping one day, she passed an adult shop and saw some crotchless panties, so she decided to buy one and try to use it to excite and seduce him.

That evening she took a long bath, put on a favorite perfume, and then she put on a sexy negligee and her new crotchless panties. Then she slithered into the room where her husband was watching TV as usual.

She stands right in front of him, with one foot resting high on the ottoman, negligee wide open, and whispers 'yu wah some a dis?'.

Her husband looks up at her wide-eyed and says. 'No sah, yu mad, yuh nuh see wha it do to yu panty!'

A couple were in thier bed ready to make love when their four year old son walked in an asked Daddy can I ride on your back, The Dad said no, when the wife told her husband it's OK honey he doesn't know whats going on, so he agreed. As they got in to the throws of passion and the wife started moaning and breathing heavy the little boy said, Daddy you better hold on yesterday when she did that me and the Milkman both almost hit the floor.

YEHA DAT A GWAN

Due to Vybz Kartel's embarrasing defeat to movado at sting 2k8....he has decided to venture into the food industry. by opening "GAZA JERK CENTRE"

Vybz Kartel aka adidjah palmer, had this to say at news time "Di barber bwoy run, but mi cyaan afford fi di jerk chicken done"

he plans to open several food chains all across the island..

gwaan do u thing yute, dem cyaan stop yuh

MENU-
JERK CHICKEN-$450 per quarter
JERK PORK-$550 per quarter
GAZA FISH SPECIAL w/BAMMY-$700

come and try theGAZA SAUCE for a limited time only


-- Edited by gamepun at 09:39, 2008-12-29

Here is why unuh nuh fi fool up nuh yardy pickney bout Santa Claus dem will
bi scarred fi life


Please control yourself if you are at work... if not gwaan bad



Dear Santa,

I know you probly wondering why I writing yuh one day after Christmas but
after opening mi presents dem yesterday, I just had was to write yuh. Santa, mi
was a very good girl all year round. Mi listen to mi mummy when she talk to mi
and ah help out wid di chores dem round di house. Ah even help di neighba
pickney dem do fi dem chores tuh. One day mi all help out di old crosses Mr.
George, the blind an cripple one, cross the road when di odda children dem just
ah watch him an ah tek gamble pon what kind of cyar did ah go lick him dung.
Santa, dem just lef him deh fi dead, but mi help him out.
Santa ah studied real hard in school this year, so hard till mi all

come fuss inna di class. Ah make it mi duty to be nice and not naughty Santa.

I was so good. Ah real good girl Santa.
Santa when ah write mi Christmas list to yuh dis year, ah ask yuh fi a
Barbie princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game, a
cyabbage patch doll and ah monopoly game.
So Santa, how the *lo** claat after reading mi list yuh leave under di
Christmass tree ah phukking light up yo-yo, one plastic tea-cup set and
ah phukking no name dolly dat look like she have polio and ah dead from
marli gripe an fluxxy complain.
 
Santa is either yuh blind or yuh cyah *lo** claat read!!! Every year ah
say ah would stop believing in yuh and like ah dyam fool mi always give yuh ah
next chance, but not ah phukking-gain, yuh hear mi Santa? Not a *lo**claat. Yuh
hear what ah say Santa? Yuh phukking fat red ra** yuh.

Yuh see all nex year, yuh betta dont try squeeze yuh big fat thru mi
louvres dem, because Santa ah swear ah going phukk yuh up. It going to be me,
you and dis sharp *lo** claat knife, so mi can jukk yuh inna yuh belly. Yuh hear
mi sah? Mi ah go stab up yuh *lo**caat.


Imagine, yuh give that likkle c**k eye gyal Sally from cross di road
everything that she ax fah. So much so dat she all nuh have nuh room fi walk
round she house.

Yuh see all nex year Santa, ah will be back to mi good old self. Dat's
right Santa. Ah not going give mummy nuh trouble or cause nuh havoc roun'ere
. And Santa, a goin wait pon you patiently ....ah goin wait
pon yuh paitently with ah big *lo** claat rock stone fi yuh backside.

And den when you and them blasted reindeer dat favour some dyam oversize goat
wid tree branch ah grow otta dem head top, com ho-ho
hoing down pon i old rusty zinc nex Chirstmas.....BOOP!!!!! Is one ra** lick
inna yuh *lo** claat head.

Santa ah going done yuh *lo** claat, Memba dat yuh hear Santa. Try
Memba dat!!

Love Likkle Keisha

DDAAYUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!, I wud just sell it right away To Who want it

now here's the translation:

Yankee talk to di wurl..... yea my nigga wah wah...aint no body fonna go open da door ...

Osama P.I.M.P

Enjoy

It's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello?... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and prompty slams the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"

The husband replies. "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

   Robber man Quotes : gave mi tha money or else
                   
  Bad ass lady{karen smith} quotes     : ok ok    it's all yours
    Report Ask Karen smith   quotes:  wor u scared?
           
      Bad ass {karen smith} quotes : He was armed & i gave him tha money

 Report Ask  quotes : then what happen

          Robbor Man  quotes: thanks  

 Bad Ass Karen smith Quotes : Grandma !! Grandma!!!
 Bad Ass Karen Smith Quotes : i"m not That old u little Fk

 Report Ask Quotes : then what  happen
  steaming:    Bad Ass Karen smith Quotes :  I blow him ass a away  , i blow his  Off 
 
 Bad Ass Karen Smith Quotes : his N T THey Gone

 Report   Quotes : then what happen

 Bad Ass karen Smith Quotes : i kept 
 Bad Ass Karen Smith quotes : He got circumcised by a .38 Robber Man  Quotes : officer  SAVE MI!!! SAVE MI

 

-- Edited by River$Ide at 14:51, 2009-01-27

So, i have a fairly new Dell Inspiron 518, and thanks to media zone and bitorrents i used up 70% of my hard drive space. Seeing that i was running out of space, i started to do a defragmentation of my hard drive(2:00). I come back like around 9:00 just to find it still sitting there!(VISTAAAAAAAA!!!!) I went to dell's support page and started a live chat. which went like this:

9:32:37 PM     System

You are now being connected to an
agent. Thank you for using Dell Chat

9:32:37 PM     System

Connected with LIBe_Nympha_196566

9:32:46 PM    dell person(not putting name)

Hi, Thank you for contacting Dell.
My name is Nympha How can I help you today?

9:33:01 PM    JerryDVP

He Nympha,

9:33:05 PM    JerryDVP

Hi*

9:33:24 PM    JerryDVP

i have a problem with my windows
vista. i am trying to defragment it

9:33:51 PM    JerryDVP

but i have been trying to do so from
2:00 pm today.

9:34:01 PM    JerryDVP

Is it normal for it to take that
long?

9:34:22 PM    dell person(not putting name)

I see let me help you with that.

let me get my resources,  please provide me your name, phone number and
service tag.

9:34:52 PM    dell person(not putting name)

just to verify that what you have is
INSD518, am I correct?

9:35:31 PM    JerryDVP

Inspiron 518?

9:35:53 PM    JerryDVP

thats what i have

9:36:12 PM    dell person(not putting name)

yes that is the same system. And yes
disk defragment takes time depending on the content of the hard drive or the
size of the files being defragmented.

9:37:21 PM    JerryDVP

before the defragmentation started,
i was using 197 gb of 283

9:37:46 PM    JerryDVP

but ever since i started it, my free
space started to slowly disappear

9:38:47 PM    dell person(not putting name)

you have to wait for the defrag to
finish first.

9:40:12 PM    dell person(not putting name)

I see.

9:40:16 PM    dell person(not putting name)

thanks.

9:40:39 PM    JerryDVP

but, what is a normal time for the
completion of the defragmentation

9:40:40 PM    JerryDVP

?

9:41:00 PM    dell person(not putting name)

yes that is depending on the files
on the system.

9:41:12 PM    dell person(not putting name)

usually it take 30-40 minutes.

9:41:29 PM    JerryDVP

wow. i have been waiting for seven
hours.

9:41:40 PM    JerryDVP

ha ha. my computer is worth it
though

9:41:49 PM    JerryDVP

as long as it's normal

9:42:12 PM    dell person(not putting name)

I see.

9:42:17 PM    dell person(not putting name)

is it still running the defrag?

9:42:21 PM    JerryDVP

Yes

9:43:41 PM    dell person(not putting name)

alright, can I just ask why have you
performed defrag on the system?

9:44:17 PM    JerryDVP

Amoung other things, the defrag is
recommended by dell every month

9:44:46 PM    JerryDVP

and my pc was getting a little
slower than usual

9:46:22 PM   dell person(not putting name)

I see.

9:46:43 PM    dell person(not putting name)

Let me check what I can suggest
regarding the issue ok?

CHECK THE TIME DIFFERENCE

9:46:49 PM    JerryDVP

Ok.

9:50:28 PM    dell person(not putting name)

alright then call you later ok?()

9:50:43 PM    JerryDVP

huh?(RITE HERE, I WAS LIKE BUSTEDDDD!)

9:50:58 PM    dell person(not putting name)

sorry...

9:51:08 PM    dell person(not putting name)

I was having multiple sessions.

9:51:14 PM    JerryDVP

Ok

9:51:22 PM    dell person(not putting name)

I was checking on the system
specifications ok.

9:51:25 PM    JerryDVP

Ok

9:53:33 PM    dell person(not putting name)

I see, I already saw that the system
memory is already at its maximum size.

9:53:57 PM    dell person(not putting name)

possible reason could that there are
already a lot of stuffs on the hard drive.

9:54:55 PM    dell person(not putting name)

perhaps to improve the performance
of the system you can delete files that are not needed anymore or you may run a
test on the system, it can also be possible that infection on the system causes
the sytem to run slow.

9:55:20 PM    JerryDVP

Ok

9:56:13 PM    dell person(not putting name)

ok.

9:56:23 PM    dell person(not putting name)

Is there anything else I can help
you with? Are you satisfied with my service?

YUH AFFI ADMIT. SHE DID MI WRONG. (IF I WAS A LEGAL IMMIGRANT. I WOULD SUE THE SHIT OUTTA HER )
***PS: I DIDN'T KNO WHERE ELSE TO POST SOMETHING LIKE THIS.**


-- Edited by JerryDVP on Friday 17th of July 2009 09:22:54 PM

CARTOONS FOR GROWING OLDER  

CARTOONS FOR GROWING OLDER

-- Edited by junior mafia at 11:30, 2009-03-05

-- Edited by junior mafia at 11:31, 2009-03-05

-- Edited by MayPenShotta at 14:33, 2009-03-11

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321


Now, take a look at this...

101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

__________________

Source: http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/coffeehouse-chat-460/coffeehouse-chat-514/fun-games-jokes-9/262006-women-should-know-their-place-behind-every-man.html

-- Edited by Vital on Tuesday 17th of March 2009 11:51:48 AM

A blonde, brunette and red head escaped from jail. They were being chased by the police. They were running through the streets when they saw an old barn. So they ran in and found three heshin bags. They all jumped in.

The coppers walked in the barn and saw the three heshin bags.
One copper goes to the other "Kick the heshin bags to make sure nothing's in them"

So the copper walks up to the heshin bag with the brunette and kicked it.

The brunette said "Meow Meow" and the coppers thought it was a cat and walked to the next heshin bag.

The copper kicked the second heshin bag with the red head in it.
The red head said "Woof Woof" so the coppers walked to the third heshin bag thinking a dog was in the second one.

The copper kicked the third heshin bag with the blonde in it.
And the blonde said "Potatoes".

3 MEN GO INTO A HOTEL. THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS £30.00 SO EACH MAN PAID £10.00 AND WENT TO THE ROOM.
A WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALIZED THE ROOM WAS ONLY £25.00
SO HE SENT THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS' ROOM WITH £5.00
ON THE WAY THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT £5.00 EVENLY
BETWEEN 3 MEN, SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A £1.00 AND KEPT THE OTHER £2.00 FOR
HIMSELF.
THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID £9.00 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL
OF £27.00, ADD THE £2.00 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = £29.00
WHERE IS THE OTHER POUND?