LOOK WEH THE DAMN INTANET CUZ

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A few days later:
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START

*Take his nightstick and play whack-a-mole with his head.

*Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your takeout.

*Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself.

*When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say I thought you had to be
physically fit to be a cop.

*Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book.

*Ask if his bulletproof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.

*Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy ride.

*When he ask you for your licence say, Oh sure officer, I could reach it if
you'd hold my beer.

*Explain speeding with, See officer, I was driving along when I dropped my
bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my
foot against the gas pedal.

*Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.

*Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school instead.


*Ask him if his badge is made of chocolate.

*Try to bribe him with chucky cheese tokens.

*Try to bribe him with one-dollar bills. When he declines, remind him that
with 10-10-220 you can get all calls up to twenty minutes for 99 cents.

*Pay all ticket fines with pennies.

*Ask him how many donuts he can eat in one minute. Ask him to prove it.

*When you spot some cops with a radar gun pull over, show them a hair dryer
and yell, I've got one too!

*Say to him, Don't cheek the trunk. Nope, nothing in there. Scout's honor.

*When he asks you to explain why you were going so fast, tell him that you
were going to Dunkin' Donuts and you know he'll understand.

*When the cop is talking to you, ignore him and roll your window up and down
while looking amazed that it does that.

*Ask him what he is doing out so late.

*Ask him if you can play cops and robbers

*Call his dog Admiral, regardless of what its real name is.

*Throw the cop's nightstick and tell Admiral to go fetch.

*Tell him that the wee little leprechauns made you do it.

*Ask him if he can make strobes with his police lights.

*When he tries to open the door taunt him by locking the door when he tries to
open it, then unlocking it when he looks away. Repeat this several times.

*Paint flames on the side of his squad car.

*Paint flames on the side of his uniform.

*When he walks up to your car-put your hands on your face and mutter, If I
don't see you I can't get a ticket.

*Throw cans of Spam at him.

*When he tells you to put your hands on the hood, walk to his car and put your
hands on his hood.

*Say to him Darn, officer you must of been going fast to keep up with me!!

*Tell him you were testing to law of perpetual motion when the escape vector
was off causing Philbin's law to take effect...

*Tell him he should've been on a pony so you could've outran him.

* When he walks up to you have the radio full blast, look forward without
saying a word and breathe in and out very loudly.

* When he ask you to walk the straight line, Riverdance instead.

* When he asks you to say your alphabet backwards count backwards from ten
instead.

*When he asks you to touch your nose, poke yourself in the eye and start
acting like Curly from the Three Stooges.

*Keep his pen.

*If they put you in the back of the squad car, sing, Mary Had a Little Lamb
loudly and obnoxiously over and over all the way to the Police Dept.

*Say Could you tighten these cuffs? My hands don't hurt yet.

*Instead of pleading the fifth admendment plead the 13th or the 18th Instead.


Bonus points if you can do any of these without getting hit over the head
with a nightstick.

Double bonus if you can do all of these without getting the death penalty.