Forum: Funny Stuff
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.
At once, they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."
The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim
naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral... the old cruf dem sharpppp! lol.
think fast indeed
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."
The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"
The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN TO LIGHTEN UP YOUR YEAR!!!!! ENJOY......
The first a Cuban surgeon says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
The second a Jamaican responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'
The third a Barbadian surgeon says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth a Guyanese surgeon chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.
But the fifth a Bahamian surgeon shut them all up when
he observed: 'You' re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to
operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.'
breast them well stiff still
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too. As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain! |
1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I can't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Natur e's way of saying "No hard feelings..."
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop", unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: TriWeekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
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