[img]http://www.bofunk.com/photoalbum/254.jpg[img/]

Just the other day, a young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

---

She doesn't have all the chairs around the table.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
A few sandwiches short of a picnic basket.
If her IQ goes up to 40, she should sell.
Not the brightest Crayola in the box!
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
He is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train isn't coming.
A few cards short of a full deck.
Got a full six pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
A room temperature IQ.
A photographic memory, but forgot to load the film.
Bright as Alaska in Dece****er.
Fell out of the family tree.
It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
He makes about as much sense as a rat f**kin a grapefruit!

-- Edited by pengo at 11:20, 2008-02-28

        Guess who is NOT Mom's favorite

This pic was taken in the late 90s and it's the reason why plastic sergry has taken off in a very good way for some people like these.

                               I hope they didn't attend that school

They will never catch me!

A man went to the ER to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.
According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket
and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was
asleep in a drunken stupor.
Now you decide what's worse:
1. Having your girlfriend find out that you're actually married
2. Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3. Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

When life throws lemons at you make lemonade out of them, when it throws scraps make a rug!!!

Pervert statue

[youtube=http://pop.youtube.com/watch?v=84_QL1kEmH4]

"Punch her, punch her, punch her, punch her, punch her!" Smart baby!

I'd say one of those guys up there is having THE worst day of his life.

Watch and learn from the pro spying

now i've seen dis b4 but damn...

i wouldnt wear that on a plane if i were him!!!!

[youtube=http://pop.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMMfgWhm3g]

THEY GROW ON TREES HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
> I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
> at a nearby table. My wife asks, "Do you know her?"
>
> "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> hasn't been sober since."
>
> "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?"

http://tinypic.com/player.php?v=24pxrtf&s=3


BAD BAD GIRL

-- Edited by dappa75wifie at 23:02, 2008-02-27

-- Edited by dappa75wifie at 23:03, 2008-02-27

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What, my dear?" she asked gently. "You're a goddamn jinx!"

-- Edited by warhawk at 11:35, 2008-02-27

''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. ''I got in a tiff with Riley.'' ''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He must have had something in his hand.'' ''That he did,'' Kelly said. ''A shovel it was.'' ''Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?'' ''Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left boob.'' Kelly said. ''And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.''

>> A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at
>> work.
>>
>> Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
>>
>> bedroom closet to watch.
>>
>> The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet,
>>
>> not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
>>
>> The little boy says, "Dark in here."
>>
>> The man says, "Yes, it is."
>>
>> Boy - "I have a baseball."
>>
>> Man - "That's nice."
>>
>> Boy - "Want to buy it?"
>>
>> Man - "No, thanks"
>>
>> Boy - "My dad's outside."
>>
>> Man - "OK, how much?"
>>
>> Boy - "$250"
>>
>> In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
>>
>> in the closet together.
>>
>> Boy - "Dark in here."
>>
>> Man - "Yes, it is."
>>
>> Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
>>
>> The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
>>
>> Boy - "$750"
>>
>> Man - "Fine."
>>
>> A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's
>> go
>>
>> outside and have a game of catch."
>>
>> The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
>>
>> The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
>>
>> Boy - "$1,000"
>>
>> The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
>>
>> that.... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to
>> take
>>
>> you to church and make you confess."
>>
>> They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
>>
>> confession booth and he closes the door.
>>
>> The boy says, "Dark in here."
>>
>> The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet
someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for
a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even
in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for
a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex
only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for
too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say
'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in
the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more.
She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
* You get a little each month. But, not enough to
enjoy yourself.

[youtube=http://pop.youtube.com/watch?v=WLG3S5WzHig]



-- Edited by owadkelly at 20:42, 2008-02-27

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?" The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent. The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water." The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"