Forum: Funny Stuff
Name: Deportee Dread Ama Baka Yaad from Farin
Age: I man no count birtday
Date of birth: Mi sey Rasta noh deal wid dem tings mon
Address: Uppa di hills a Wesmorlan
Tel No: I man no participate in di Babylon system
Marital Status: Single married
No. of children: I an I hav nuff common law wit 21 lickle soljas a run roun' di island
Occupation: Sell Jelly coconut pan Spanish town road and gunja outta mi kitchen winda
Company name: I man nuh keep company, yuh nuh seeit
Present position: Mi like di lizard lap position, but mi open to any adda position.
Average monthly income: Depends pan di season n' di demands fi di weed, sometimes business slow an ting.
Credit reference: Mor' Fyah!!! I man no deal wit credit... strictly up front dollas a do it.
Unsecured overdraft limit: Chat H'english... . A wha di ra** dat mean?
Secured overdraft limit: Mi seh yuh fi chat English.
Personal loan amount: Tony owe mi bout 40gran... a gwine buss im claut when mi buck im up... watch mi an im.
Monthly payment: Ask Tony...cause a monts now mi nuh si not a cent fram im.
No. of payments outstanding: Yuh def!! Mi sey Tony nuh gi mi back mi money so all a it outstanding! !!
Mortgage loan amount: Mi nah pay mortgage fi mi zinc shed.... is I man buil'dat.
Monthly payment: Yuh come back a ask di same foolishness.
No. of monthly payment outstanding: Is wha' do dis ooman? MI SEY TONY NUH PAY MI YET!!!
This interview is over~~~ Application for Loan~~~~DENIED
GOH WEH!!!... unu hypocrite and sadomite unu!!!
-- Edited by Gucci at 00:53, 2008-02-29
some gal own bigga!!!!!!!!!!lol
not to funny but didnt know where else to put it
-- Edited by fyahhh at 01:25, 2008-02-29
-- Edited by fyahhh at 02:30, 2008-02-29
-- Edited by Krazy at 01:05, 2008-02-29
-- Edited by Krazy at 00:38, 2008-02-29
Excellent idea for a pool party!
Go bunny GO!
Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
With that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.
The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
Here's and easy little test for you. Just count how many black dots you can see...
Look at this image and decide if you think the grey lines are straight or not...
Answer: Incredible as it may seem, the grey lines are straight. Print it out and grab a ruler if you don't believe me!
Stare intently at the black dot in the centre of this image and watch the grey shadow disappear...
This is a static image. It was your own eyes that did that!
Stare at this image long enough and you'll start to see it move before your very eyes...
Starting to feel a little sick yet?
OK, a very straight forward test for you. Simply read out loud the following list of colours, reme****ering to read the text only...
The reason you might be struggling with this relatively simple task is that one side of your brain is telling you the word while the other side is showing you the colour.
See this image appear to shimmer as you look at it? If that's not enough follow the ridge around the circle and watch it change into a groove...
You must have a headache by now!
Look at this picture and what do you see, a woman looking to the left or an eskimo looking out into the night...
They're both in there. Trust me!
Just in case you aren't feeling ill enough already, check this one out. To enhance the effect scroll up and down...
Someone pass me a bucket!
loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Jamaica on a
vacation for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for
the loan, so the Jamaican man hands over the keys to a new BMW 740i. The car
is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Jamaican produces the
title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car
as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Jamaican
for using a $80,000 BMW as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of
the bank then drives the BMW into the bank's underground garage and parks it
there.
Two weeks later, the Jamaican man returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
successful business man. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow
$5,000?"
The Jamaican replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two
weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
The bank employees watch as he pulls out of the garage, windows down and
sunroof open. The music was blasting from his car as he pulled away, "We run
things, things no run we, everything we do, it done properly."
"Hi is that Mr Stone?"
"Yes, speaking"
"Hi Mr Stone, it's Sister Jan at the hospital. I've got some bad news. We've had a fire & all our records have been mixed up. We've sorted all of them out except 2. 1 of them is your wife."
"How can I help?"
"Well I have to tell you one record shows the patient has Aids the other shows Alzheimers Disease"
"Oh my Sister, what should I do?"
"Well is your wife home?"
"Yes"
"I suggest you send your wife on a long walk, if she finds her way home, DON'T f**k HER!"
Ron was in trouble.
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, "tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ron got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ron has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him
Wish I could see these signs
"Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things do not go so well. In this case, things are not well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini."
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less s****er. There were some laughs and more martinis.
They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS."
The woman said, "I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."
Now that's putting Your Affairs In Order.
QUICK THINKING TOO.
A woman thought her man was cheating on her. Since she didn't have a
lot of money to hire an expensive private investigator, she decided to go
with a much cheaper one -- a Chinese woman named Mrs. Lee.
The following day she received the following report:
Most honorable madam:
You leave house. I watch house. She come to house. I watch. He and
she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I
look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip
he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall off
tree. I not see.
No fee,
Mrs. Chen Lee 
Simple Home Remedies
1.. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.
2.. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away...
3!.. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
4.. For high *lo** pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.
5.. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
6.. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then
you will be afraid to cough.
7.. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you
will forget all about the toothache.
8.. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life
really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape.
9.. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10.. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
11.. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another
chance.
12.. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you
never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan!
heh heh
Have a Irie Day!
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