Forum: Funny Stuff
Share all jokes here, funny pics etc...(PS...warn members of uncensored/adult jokes)
How a Jamaican man sees it!
Although her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,
his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he finally came to,
he motioned for her to come closer. As she sat on the bed beside him he said,
' Yu know yu' deh wid mi through all the bad times. When mi went bankrupt and lost mi business, yu stood by mi side. When mi get shot, yu deh by mi side.. When wi lost the house, yu was dere. When mi car crash an mi bruk up yu was dere. When mi health started to fail, yu was dere, and when a start to get worse, yu was dere...right by mi side... Every time sumpn' bad happen to me yu is right dere.... Yu know something?....
Yu know sey it look like yu a crosses?
Aint this some shit!
-- Edited by Garrick at 19:49, 2008-03-02
-- Edited by Garrick at 19:49, 2008-03-02
The basic lyric to this song is an Australian colonial song. In mainstream society it is probably more well known or liked, than the national anthem.
They do a Eminem parody, 1st time i heard it I was in stiches.
Check it...
-- Edited by Krazy at 07:17, 2008-03-03
They do a Eminem parody, 1st time i heard it I was in stiches.
Check it...
-- Edited by Krazy at 07:17, 2008-03-03
Some of this funny, some a serious worry!?!?!?!
Sipho gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before.
So what do I do first? His father replied, 'Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed.' 5 minutes later Sipho's on the phone again.
'She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?' His father can't believe what he is hearing,
'Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her.'
After another 5 minutes poor Sipho is on the phone again.
'Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?' His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, 'Shit son! Do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!'Just when the old man starts snoring, His son is on the phone once again. 'Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next?'
'DROWN YOURSELF, YOU *la*hDY IDIOT!!
So what do I do first? His father replied, 'Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed.' 5 minutes later Sipho's on the phone again.
'She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?' His father can't believe what he is hearing,
'Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her.'
After another 5 minutes poor Sipho is on the phone again.
'Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?' His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, 'Shit son! Do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!'Just when the old man starts snoring, His son is on the phone once again. 'Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next?'
'DROWN YOURSELF, YOU *la*hDY IDIOT!!
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came
addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to
see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday
someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had
until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited
two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to
buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can
you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which
they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all
the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be
able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from
the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter
was opened. It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.
We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.
addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to
see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday
someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had
until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited
two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to
buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can
you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which
they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all
the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be
able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from
the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter
was opened. It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.
We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead P**y.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.
"All right, buddy. What's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
"The balcony."
Winston, the Jamaican is on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and has reached the Ł1 million question. Meredith Veira says, "Right Winston, this is for Ł1 million, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time. "Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a Sett? "Is it.
A: Badger
B: Ferret
C: Mole
D: Cuckoo?"
Winston ponders for a while and says, "Backside Meridith, mi not sure, gi mi di 50-50."
"Right, Winston, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with. 'Badger' and 'Cuckoo' are the two remaining answers.
Winston has a long think, then scratches his head and says, "Blouse an' Skirt Meridith, mi still nuh know, mek mi phone mi small island bredren."
So who are you going to call?" says Meridith.
"Hmmm, Ah tink I'll call Selwyn in Mandeville ."
So Meridith phones Selwyn in Mandeville. "Selwyn, this is Meridith Veira from 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'. I've got Winston here, and with your help he could win Ł1 million. The next voice you hear will be Winston."
"Wha gwan Selwyn". "Where mi money deh...? any way, ans a dis an we quits. What type ah hanimal mek im yard in a set? Is a badger or a cuckoo?"
"Is a badger, man." says Selwyn without hesitation.
"You sure, bwoy ?"
"Definite. Wan 'undred purcent. A badger. Definitely."
"Right, Chris, tank yu man.""
"I'll go wit di eediat bwoy Selwyn.
The answer is a badger.
"Final answer, Winston?"
"Yeh mon, Meridith, final answer."
"That's the correct answer. You've won Ł1 million!" Cue wild celebrations.
Next morning Winston calls up Selwyn, "Bredren that was *lo**-fire ansa laas night bwoy, yuh cum good! How you did know badger yard is a sett?"
" Me nevah know..." replies Selwyn, "... But everybaddy know cuckoo live inna clock!'
A: Badger
B: Ferret
C: Mole
D: Cuckoo?"
Winston ponders for a while and says, "Backside Meridith, mi not sure, gi mi di 50-50."
"Right, Winston, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with. 'Badger' and 'Cuckoo' are the two remaining answers.
Winston has a long think, then scratches his head and says, "Blouse an' Skirt Meridith, mi still nuh know, mek mi phone mi small island bredren."
So who are you going to call?" says Meridith.
"Hmmm, Ah tink I'll call Selwyn in Mandeville ."
So Meridith phones Selwyn in Mandeville. "Selwyn, this is Meridith Veira from 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'. I've got Winston here, and with your help he could win Ł1 million. The next voice you hear will be Winston."
"Wha gwan Selwyn". "Where mi money deh...? any way, ans a dis an we quits. What type ah hanimal mek im yard in a set? Is a badger or a cuckoo?"
"Is a badger, man." says Selwyn without hesitation.
"You sure, bwoy ?"
"Definite. Wan 'undred purcent. A badger. Definitely."
"Right, Chris, tank yu man.""
"I'll go wit di eediat bwoy Selwyn.
The answer is a badger.
"Final answer, Winston?"
"Yeh mon, Meridith, final answer."
"That's the correct answer. You've won Ł1 million!" Cue wild celebrations.
Next morning Winston calls up Selwyn, "Bredren that was *lo**-fire ansa laas night bwoy, yuh cum good! How you did know badger yard is a sett?"
" Me nevah know..." replies Selwyn, "... But everybaddy know cuckoo live inna clock!'
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother,
who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they
were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up
and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the
casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that
whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his
head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the
farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor
later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and
I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna
sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked
up for a year.'"
Japan...skyline..................max speed 280km/hr
France ...Peugeot...sports GT
Spain .....Audi TT max speed 280km/hr
America........Corvette ......Do I have to tell the speed...
Now for the Ultimate Police Car in the World !!!
.
FROM JAMAICA !!!!
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarra**ing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?" Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarra**ing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?" Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"
A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the
way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven,
they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so
they could marry in heaven.
St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.
Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing.
They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.
He says, "I'm still working on it."
Not really funny but well lucky!!!
-- Edited by Krazy at 19:29, 2008-03-01
-- Edited by Krazy at 19:29, 2008-03-01
WONDER NO MORE!!
seriously...come on!!!WTF
https://s12.photobucket.com/albums/a216/FardaBling/?action=view¤t=superslap.flv
-- Edited by Marsha451 at 01:04, 2008-03-01
-- Edited by Marsha451 at 01:05, 2008-03-01
-- Edited by Marsha451 at 01:04, 2008-03-01
-- Edited by Marsha451 at 01:05, 2008-03-01
Check this out ppl!!!
-- Edited by Garrick at 07:13, 2008-03-02
-- Edited by Garrick at 07:13, 2008-03-02
LOSING A FRIEND:
A VERY TOUCHING STORY ABOUT LIFE & DEATH,
AND THE FRIENDS Left Behind.
This Will STIR YOUR HEART, and TOUCH YOUR SOUL
Itss Very Sad, But Inspiring!
.
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.
.
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A VERY TOUCHING STORY ABOUT LIFE & DEATH,
AND THE FRIENDS Left Behind.
This Will STIR YOUR HEART, and TOUCH YOUR SOUL
Itss Very Sad, But Inspiring!
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Kids are always there to give u a laugh...
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slu****er. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slu****er. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
Q: What is the lightest thing in the world?
A: A Mans penis, even his imagination can lift it!
A: A Mans penis, even his imagination can lift it!
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie, still crying, said, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
clean your mouse(mechanical one)
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=kwEd_tcKBfU]
she's gonna die for sure...
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