http://www.nothingtoxic.com/media/1203043959/Angry_Girl_Viciously_Beats_the_Hell_Out_of_Another_Girl

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Three men, an Scot, an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland!''
The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!''
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ''God save the person who I land on!''

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up
for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets
on top of her, APPEARS TO kiss her neck, then gets up and goes
into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his
wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look
at his clothes!

He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in
years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist,
don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how
much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets
angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my
ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had
any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love
you, too.

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.

So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"

The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother-in-law."

http://www.flurl.com/item/vom_u_286536

http://www.zshare.net/video/92401419b92bb7/

EFFECTIVE April 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)
*Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

*Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

It was Christmas Eve, and a lady hadn't had sex in a long time, so she decided to wait for Santa. When he came down the chimney, she took off her shirt and said, "Ooh Santa, please stay."

And he said, "Ho ho ho, guess I better go, gotta get toys to children, ya know."

So she took off her pants and said, "No no - please stay."

And he replied, "Ho ho ho, guess I better go, gotta get toys to children, ya know."

So she took off everything else, and said, "Ooh, please stay."

And he said, "Hey hey hey, guess I better stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"

The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."


DJ BAD4LIFE TO THE WORLD EVILME

no body move no one willl get hurt pure badness is here

http://www.startvg.com/videos/heroes.html

-- Edited by Crazypickney at 23:15, 2008-03-13

this shit iz crazy



-- Edited by Crazypickney at 12:32, 2008-03-22

The Three Sons

A blond decides to do something shes never done before - rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back. After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment theres nothing but static on the screen. She calls the store to complain and says, I just rented an adult movie from you and theres nothing on the tape, but static.

The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, Which title did you rent? The blond replied, Its called Head Cleaner.

Dead Wid Laugh

Why Sex??

1) 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra large condoms.

2) The average man is 4-5 inches long when erect; no matter what you have heard ladies, that's the truth. Incidentally the average vaginal capacity is
Only 6 inches, for you women who think you can handle king dong.

3) 80% of American men are circumcise, though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.

4) No matter what all the ads say nothing but time can make your penis grow. (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20's)

5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size.

6) Blue balls does exist! It's technically called 'prostatic congestion.'

7) Only 16% of men shave their privates


+Some stuff on the ladies+
------------ --------- ---------

1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves 'attractive' (20% of British women do). 43% of women use the term 'natural', 24% say
They have 'average' looks, 8% prefer the term 'feminine', 7% say they are 'good looking', and 7% say they are 'cute', and finally only 2% of women say they are 'sexy'.

2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.

3) 60% of women have had breast implants.

4) 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex.

5) 95% of women shave their privates.


+Both+
------------ --------- --------- --

1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and women.

2) 70% of high schoolers have had sex before they have graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior prom night. Only 3% wait until marriage.

3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.

4) Teens are most likely to have sex for the first time in JUNE.

5) First-time intercourse is often unplanned, meaning it's less likely teens will use contraception.

6) Virginity is often lost with a person they HAVEN'T been dating.


+5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------

1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.

2) You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.

3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women
Who don't have sex.

4) Makes you look better; problem is that ugly people don't get any. Sex releases hormones which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.

5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are.


Did You Know?
------------ --------- --------- --------- -

1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running 75 miles!!!!

Here's a laugh guys.  If you're having a tough day here's a chance to buss a smile.  Nuff love. Crazy Patients A doctor of psychology was doing his normal rounds when he entered a patient's room.  He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.  Patient # 2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked what patient #1 was doing.  The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"  The doctor inquired of patient #1 what patient #2 was doing.  Patient # 1 replied, "Oh, he's my friend but he's a little crazy.  He thinks he's a light bulb."  The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.   The doctor asks patient #1, if he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself". Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?

DJ BAD4LIFE TO THE WORLD EVILME 

http://www.startvg.com/videos/whosinside.html


THIS IS SICk HAS HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- Edited by ANDRE_DESIGNS at 23:00, 2008-03-10

A Trinidadian man, Bajan man, and a Jamaican man went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the Trinidadian wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped, and fell. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn?t wearing any panties. The Trinidadian man angrily demanded to know why she wasn?t wearing any underwear. "Well, dahlin," she explained, "you give me so little money that I hav' to make sacrifices. Usually nobody does notice." The Trinidadian man pulls $100 out of his pocket. "Tek dis nah, go Victoria Secrets and buy yourself some underwear" Two holes further along the Bajan wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped and fell. Her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn?t wearing any panties either! The Bajan man, obviously upset, asked his wife why she isn't wearing underwear. "Well, honey," she explained, "you give me so little money I cahn afford to buy any underwear." The Bajan man pulls $20 out of his pocket. "Cho, go a K-mart an' buy some draws." Three holes further on, the Jamaican man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that she too wasn't wearing any panties. Her explanation to her vex husband was the same as the others. The Jamaican man put his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you could do is to keep it neat."

The man replies, "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?!"

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.

The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.

The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.

The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.

The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!"

A woman gets on the bus & the driver says to her "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen"
disgusted, she pays her ticket & walks down the bus cussing & sits down next to a man. He sees that she is visably upset & asks her what happened.
She's said "the driver was overly rude to me & I wish she had of given him a piece of my mind"
The man said "you should get up & go & tell him now, he's meant to be the face of this bus company & this behaviour is unacceptable"
The woman decided this was a good idea but still had the problem of juggling a child when the man again spoke up & said, " Don't worry, I'll mind ya dog!"

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
  
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.
 
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law.'

8 reasons you should NOT take the kids to the zoo.......


-- Edited by Kaos at 20:18, 2008-03-19

5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

Nuh Ramp Wid Yardie - Breakfast Conversation - Jamaican and a Trini


A Jamaican is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissant, bread, butter and jam when a Trini man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Jamaican ignores the Trini who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Trini: "You Jamaican folk eat the whole bread??"
Jamaican: (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Trini: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In
Trinidad , we only eat what's inside. The crusts, we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the Jamaicans."

A jamiacan  Bwoy was in  a class composition 
                      an di teacher ask ' im fi mek a sentence wid' defence, defeat and detail'. 
          and the Bwoy say? 'De dawg jump over de fence an de feet go before de tail'

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
__________________

-- Edited by Kaos at 20:12, 2008-03-19

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy8m0Ukq5Zg

-- Edited by KLJ Sounds at 17:09, 2008-03-20

Winston the Jamaican is on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and has reached the £1 million question. Meredith Veira says, 'Right Winston, this is for £1 million, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time. 'Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a Sett? 'Is it.
A: Badger
B: Ferret
C: Mole
D: Cuckoo?'

Winston ponders for a while and says, 'Backside Meridith, mi not sure, gi mi di 50-50.'
'Right, Winston, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with. 'Badger' and 'Cuckoo' are the two remaining answers.

Winston has a long think, then scratches his head and says, 'Blouse an' Skirt Meridith, mi still nuh know, mek mi phone mi small island bredren.'

So who are you going to call?' says Meridith.

'Hmmm, Ah tink I'll call Selwyn in Mandeville .'

So Meridith phones Selwyn in Mandeville. 'Selwyn, this is Meridith Veira from 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'. I've got Winston here, and with your help he could win £1 million. The next voice you hear will be Winston.'


'Wha gwan Selwyn'. 'Where mi money deh...? any way, ans a dis an we quits. What type ah hanimal mek im yard in a set? Is a badger or a cuckoo?'

'Is a badger, man.' says Selwyn without hesitation.

'You sure, bwoy ?'

'Definite. Wan 'undred purcent. A badger. Definitely.'

'Right, Chris, tank yu man.''

'I'll go wit di eediat bwoy Selwyn.

The answer is a badger.

'Final answer, Winston?'

'Yeh mon, Meridith, final answer.'

'That's the correct answer. You've won £1 million!' Cue wild celebrations.

Next morning Winston calls up Selwyn, 'Bredren that was *lo**-fire ansa laas night bwoy, yuh cum good! How you did know badger yard is a sett?'

' Me nevah know...' replies Selwyn, '... But everybaddy know cuckoo live inna clock!'

---

A guy was talking with his friend in a bar and told him, "My sex life sucks, just when things start to get good my wife gets tired and just quits". His friends said, "I used to have the same problem but then I went out and bought a gun and put blank bullets in it." The first guy said, "How does that help?", and his friend said, "When my wife gets tired and starts to slow down I fire it and she gets so scared her adrenaline gets going and she'll f*** all night." So the first guy said I'm going to try it, and he did. He came back to the bar a couple weeks later and his friend said, "Where have you been? Did you try it?" and he says, "Yes, I tried it. I got home, put the gun under my pillow, and started to f*** my wife. Well, we were in the middle of some 69 and she got tired and started to stop so I shot it off. His friend said, "So what happened?" "She bit my dick off, sh*t in my face, and a naked man jumped out of my closet with his hands in the air."

The Wife Translations Guide

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'm not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The wife says: You're... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was
climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual,
'I have a headache'.

'Perfect', her husband said. 'I was just in the
bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin.

You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up
to you'.

WHAT? TOO MANY SHAKES?


 Reduced: 84% of original size [ 604 x 238 ] - Click to view full image
LOOKS LIKE UPS WINS!!!!!


OH C'MON ...... JUST ONE


 STARTING WITH SPELLING


I THINK IT WAS THE FEDEX DRIVER



I bet this is by the school that teaches Arithetic

 Reduced: 83% of original size [ 610 x 458 ] - Click to view full image
IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE FEDEX DRIVER

The picture is so cute and the poem is my
laugh to you today. . . Enjoy!!



We Is Friends!

?


Me And You Is Friends!

?


You Smile, I Smile .

?


You Hurt, I Hurt

?


You Cry, I Cry

?


You Jump Off A Bridge

?


I Gonna Miss Your E-Mails
?

---

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up

ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As

he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started

fondling her p...y. He did this only for a very short while then stopped

and went back to reading his book. The wife got up and started stripping

in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are

doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied, "You were playing

size=4>
with my p....y. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier".

The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn

It doesnt matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious. From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian (I forget his name, if anyone knows please tell us) who said he misses Bill Clinton. This is what he said:

Yep, thats right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President. Number 1 - He played the sax. Number 2 - He smoked weed. Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women Even now? Look at him his wife works, and he doesnt! And, he gets a check from the government every month. Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking Americas shelves this week with Clinton Soup, in honor of one of the nations most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada. When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, I dont know, I never had one. The Clinton revised judicial oath: I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know. Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky

THis BOI A DEAD


AM GOOD I WILL WALK


NOW WATS NEXT...?


WATTTS UPPP!!!




WOOOOII





AHAHAHA


-- Edited by selectorbyron at 10:08, 2008-03-10

---

__________________

There were three stranded men walking down a sandy beach on a deserted island. They walk a little ways and find a magic lamp. So they decide since they are stranded that they might as well rub it. After they rub it a genie pops out and says each one has one wish.

The first man wishes he was at home making love to his wife. POOF, he's gone

The second man wishes that he was at his favorite strip club, drinking a beer with his friends. POOF, he's gone.

The third man doesn't know what to do, so he thinks for a minute and says, "hmm, you know i really wish those two were back here to help me make my descision."

 A man says to his wife, "tell me something that will make me happy and mad at the same time", she said, "you f**k better than all your friends"!!!!!!