NUH UHHHHHHHHH!!! CHECK OUT THE CRAZZZZYYY TATTOO THIS CHICK HAS . . . AND THE GIRL HAS IT ALL EXPOSED AT HER JOB!!!!

 ....COURTESY OF THEIR FACEBOOK PAGES!!!

	SEE COMMENTS UNDER THE PHOTOS: woieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Charlie Sheen -- I'm Totally Buzzed

Charlie Sheen really did shave off all his hair -- and TMZ has obtained the pics to prove it.


Charlie put on his favorite pair of pajama bottoms and showed off his nearly chrome dome as he made a trip to the dentist Friday afternoon.

Hey, if Britney can make the look work ...

SIDE HUSTLE!!! DERWIN FROM THE TV SHOW THE GAME HAS A NEW JOB . . . AS AN INTERNET MODEL!!! (PICS INSIDE)

Model and video-girl Kadeem Baker did not spend the weekend in prison as some people have been alleging on websites over the weekend.

"My lawyer was adamant that I should not be jailed or else dem haffi lock her up too," Ms. Baker told one876entertainment."Mi end up on the same bench wid Rodney, and even he realized that they were trying to intimidate me, but this is what I want. I don't want to see Rodney in jail."

On Friday, she was charged with public mischief, when she appeared alongside her boyfriend, Bounty Killer, when they both appeared in the Corporate Area Resident Magistrate's Court.

Baker, who made a high profile appearance on Digicel's Deal or No Deal last year, had asked the court that the charges be dropped as she and Bounty were attempting a reconciliation. Her lawyer requested mediation after the RM ordered that Baker be charged with creating public mischief.

Bounty, whose real name is Rodney Basil Pryce, was granted bail in the sum of $200,000, after a 10-day incarceration.

Former Portmore Empire member Deva Bratt has recorded a bouncy single called Lisa Hype that plays up the oral skills of his former stablemate Lisa Hyper, using great word play and erotic metaphors that dancehall lovers will find amusing.

There are a few choice lines where Deva Bratt shows off the writing skills that made him such a revelation when he first came out with Bundle a Gal over two years ago.

He spits in true Deva fashion: "mi frighten, mi nearly froth yp like a Sprite/she put her mouth pon mi tap, mek pressure buss the pipe/ no need fi whipped cream or crushed ice/thank yu fi the picture, mi nah go put it pon no site'.

There's a neat bit of auto erotica in another verse when he deejays: "pop the hood of mi car/oil spew in her face when mi rev it yu know star".

The producer, JJ Wizzle, also uses a looped sample that shouts 'Lisa Hype, Lisa Hype' all over the track. Deva Brat almost sounds as if he is rapping, using standard English and changing his flow to perhaps create that crossover feel. He deejays "she say Deva Brat, mi ah go tek yu pon a flight/yea yea whatever, do it like Nike/I balls forward soon as she grab the mike'. But is he talking from personal experience that "she frisky wid her tongue and her rhymes dem tight'? Will Lisa respond?

Rapper Guru Dies

The Gang Starr man battled cancer

Influential rapper Guru has died aged 43, after a battle with cancer.

The New York born MC had suffered cardiac arrest on March 2 and was in a coma for some time. 

If there is one person Star of the Month Tifa holds above all, excluding God, it's her mother, Margaret Miller.

An accountant by profession, Miller has been Tifa's source of strength and support system throughout her life and especially in her music career.

"My mother loves my music. She's very honest and a good critic," said Tifa. "She follows my career and plays a very important role and encourages me. There were times mi did waan quit and she encourage me to keep going. She's the main reason I'm still at it."

An only child for her mother, Tifa has three brothers and a sister from her father and two stepsisters and two stepbrothers from her mother's marriage. According to the young deejay, her siblings are all supportive of her and they share a close bond.

Her biggest fan, though, is her mom, who emboldened her from a tender age.

"I owe my confidence to my mother," Tifa pointed out. "When I was younger, I never thought I was different because of my legs, it was only when I started going to school that people would say stuff and made me feel different. But I didn't let it bother me. I did sports and was the leading goalscorer in hockey for Jamaica. I was a part of the Wolmer's Dance Troupe, the choir, Ashe for six years and used to tour extensively."

Mississippi vet claims he's Oprah's dad

KOSCIUSKO, Miss. -- An ailing, 84-year-old World War II veteran is making a desperate plea to Oprah Winfrey: Please admit I'm your father!

Norh Robinson, a dirt-poor Mississippi farmer now living in a rural VA hospital, wants Oprah to submit to a paternity test that he says would once and for all prove that he sired her in 1954.

Robinson said he dreams of just once speaking with Oprah as father and daughter before he dies -- and revealed that, years ago, he tried to reach the talk-show queen to beg her to agree to a DNA test.

"I told her [in a letter], if she wanted, I'd give her one," Robinson told The Post in an exclusive interview this week.

GET MAURY POVICH! Norh Robinson, 84, wants Oprah Winfrey to take a DNA test to prove he is her dad.

Photos: Oprah Through the Years

In the letter, he placed mementos from his life, including his Social Security number and a picture of him from the Navy in World War II, he said.

"I never got no answer," Robinson told The Post. "I never did get no answer. If I did, it didn't get to me."

The vet insisted he wasn't looking to get his hands on Oprah's millions.

"I'd like her to call me," he said.

Oprah's spokeswoman said the TV host wasn't available to comment on Robinson's claims.

Oprah was raised by her mother, Vernita Lee, 75, and Lee's longtime boyfriend, Vernon Winfrey. She considers Vernon her father but has figured out he isn't her biological dad.

PHOTOS: OPRAH THROUGH THE YEARS

This week, the National Enquirer reported Robinson's alleged tie to Oprah.

When reached in Kosciusko -- the small town Winfrey ditched a half-century ago -- Robinson insisted, "I'm her real father. I haven't seen her since she was a kid. She was a little bitty thing."

During a half-hour chat at his hospital, Robinson said that he met Oprah's mom when they worked in the same part of Kosciusko and that he often drove her to and from work.

"I had to get by her house to get to my daddy's house because it was on the same road," he said.

Robinson said he's looking forward to the day he gets to meet his world-famous daughter.

"She's taken after her daddy," he said. "I was a handsome man growing up at that time.

COLUMBIA, Missouri -- Two Columbia sanitation workers who apparently couldn't stand by and let beer go down the drain allegedly took dozens of cases of expired brew from the city landfill.

Police and city supervisors are trying to determine if the salvage was a crime-theft of city property-or just a policy violation.

"If we determine it's a police matter, we will take some action," said Officer Jessie Haden, a Columbia police spokeswoman.

A Columbia distributor, Scheppers Distributing Co, sent 1,500 cases of expired beer to the landfill on April 1 in two shipments. The first shipment was destroyed immediately, but the second, containing about 700 cases of Budweiser and Michelob Ultra, was not.

Margrace Buckler, the city's human resource director, said two Solid Waste Division workers, who haven't been identified, brought a city pickup truck to the landfill and hauled off about 50 cases of the beer.

Word spread of the acquisition. A week later, city officials reviewed video from the landfill and saw the workers drive away with their haul. City officials say they still don't know what happened to the beer.

When the sanitation workers were confronted on Monday, one quit, the Columbia Tribune reported. The other could face disciplinary action.

Buckler said it's likely that at least one landfill employee was involved because "the assumption is that someone made a phone call."

Once the beer was left at the landfill, it became city property. That means the city could be liable if the sanitation workers shared it with other people, Buckler said.

She has become the poster girl for the anti-size-zero brigade.

And now Kim Kardashian is joining the campaign for celebrities to show themselves in their true light as she posed nude in an unretouched photoshoot for a glossy magazine.

The unapologetically curvaceous celebrity posed for former wild child turned celebrity photographer Amanda de Cadenet in US Harper's Bazaar.

It follows Britney Spears' recent release of unretouched photos from an advertising campaign.

In the photo of Kim seen lying on the floor against a grey backdrop, her enviable figure -- which has helped propel the 29-year-old reality television star into a multi-million dollar franchise -- is seen in all its glory.

And clearly she has little to worry about.

The Harper's spread is not Kim's first nude photoshoot. In 2007 she was on the cover of Playboy.

Jizz Guzzler Gets Caught Up! Kat Stacks Is Nuttin But A Liar

POLICE  are now on patrol in sections of Gravel Heights, St Catherine, where gunmen last night killed one man and fire bombed two houses.

"At about 7:00 pm, a group of men with high powered weapons launched an attack in a section of the community firing several shots. Thirty-four-year-old Tyrone Patten was killed during the attack," said a cop who acted as spokesperson for the police team on the ground.

The cop said it was during the attack that the criminals set the houses ablaze.

Residents this morning said they were living in fear.

"We are not too sure what caused this attack but we are in fear, we don't know who could be next," said a woman from the community.

PESHAWAR, Pakistan (AP) -- Two bombs, hours apart, exploded in the Pakistani city of Peshawar on yesterday, killing 23 people and underscoring the reach of militants despite successive military offensives close to the Afghan border.

A suicide bomber was behind the deadliest blast, which occurred just before dusk in a crowded market area.

Police said the target was apparently officers watching over a rally by members of a political party against power cuts in the city. Police officers and protesters were among the 22 dead and more than 30 injured, said police chief Liaqat Ali Khan.

The rally was being held by the Jamat-e-Islami party, an Islamist grouping that is sympathetic to many of the goals of the Taliban and regularly criticises army operations against them.

Police and two government officials blamed the Taliban for the attack. But Jamat-e-Islami spokesman Ameer-ul-Azeem declined to do so, and instead alleged that CIA or Indian intelligence were behind it -- the conspiracy theory of choice for right-wing Islamists in Pakistan.

"These attacks are a conspiracy to weaken Pakistan," he said. "It is part of the game that international players are playing."

Earlier, a bomb exploded outside a school run by a police welfare foundation, killing a young boy and wounding 10 people. The school raises money to help families of police officers. The victim was a boy aged between five and seven. Five of the wounded were children.

Taliban and al-Qaida militants based in the Afghan border region -- who are fighting Pakistani police and the army -- have carried out hundreds of attacks over the last three years. They have frequently targeted security forces, government officials and their supporters or family members in mosques, schools and markets, showing no concern for civilian casualties.

The insurgents claim responsibility for many of the attacks, but tend not to when many ordinary Pakistanis die.

Peshawar has been one of the hardest-hit cities because it lies close to the border area.

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (AFP) -- An 84-year-old Brazilian priest caught on camera in a sex act with a choirboy has been arrested and put in detention, police holding him in their barracks in northeast Brazil, told AFP.

The 30-day detention was ordered by a judge to prevent the priest, Luiz Marques Barbosa, fleeing pending the outcome of a criminal investigation for pedophilia, a spokesman for the police unit in the town of Arapiraca said.

"As Father Barbosa was chaplain for Sao Paulo's military police, he has the privilege of being detained in our barracks instead of going to jail," the spokesman said.

Barbosa's case, which adds to a pedophile scandal tarnishing the Catholic Church, came to light a month ago when a Brazilian television channel broadcast video footage of the priest receiving oral sex from a choirboy in front of a local church altar.

The incident scandalized Brazil, where 74 percent of the 190-million strong population is self-declared Catholic.

A parliamentary commission in Arapiraca held a three-day inquiry into pedophilia in the region, hearing from witnesses and alleged victims.

The video featuring Barbosa was shown during the hearings. The priest asked for forgiveness before the inquiry, but stated: "I am not a pedophile," according to Globo television news.

Two other priests implicated in alleged pedophilia by three former choirboys speaking in the video have been ordered to not leave the town of Arapiraca.

THE executive committee of the Peoples National Party (PNP) at its meeting yesterday, relieved Patrick Roberts, caretaker for West Central St Andrew, of all of his party positions until the charges brought against him are resolved by due legal process, a release from the PNP last night said.

Roberts, who was last Wednesday arrested and charged with breaching the Firearms Act, had his bail extended when he appeared in the Gun Court yesterday morning.

He was ordered to return to court on April 29.

The PNP caretaker turned himself over to the police last week after one of two firearms that were allegedly taken from a man whom the police claimed engaged them in a shootout on Waltham Park Road in January were traced to him.

According to the lawmen, the weapon a Taurus revolver was registered to Roberts.

However, Roberts told investigators that he was not aware that the weapon was missing.

A file was prepared and handed over to the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions who ruled that Roberts be charged.

The court has placed a gag order on the details of the case involving the PNP caretaker.

A gag order means attorneys and court officials cannot reveal the details of the case to the media.

PATRICK Roberts, the People's National Party (PNP) caretaker for West Central St Andrew, had his bail extended when he appeared in the Gun Court yesterday morning.

Roberts, who was last Wednesday arrested and charged with breaching the Firearms Act, was ordered to return to court on April 29.

The PNP caretaker turned himself over to the police last week after one of two firearms that were allegedly taken from a man -- whom the police claimed engaged them in a shootout on Waltham Park Road in January -- were traced to him.According to the lawmen, the weapon -- a Taurus revolver -- was registered to Roberts.

However, Roberts told investigators that he was not aware that the weapon was missing.

A file was prepared and handed over to the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions who ruled that Roberts be charged.

The court has placed a gag order on the details of the case involving the PNP caretaker.

A gag order means attorneys and court officials cannot reveal the details of the case to the media.

FORMER national security minister Dudley Thompson believes that the ongoing impasse between Jamaica and the United States over the extradition of Tivoli Gardens strongman Christopher 'Dudus' Coke is hurting this north Caribbean island badly, internationally.

Ambassador Thompson, who served as Jamaica's envoy to several African countries, including Nigeria, Namibia and Ghana, said that Prime Minister Bruce Golding had his back against the wall in not acting fast enough in the 'Dudus' affair, adding that further delays in settling the matter could have far-reaching effects.

"It is harming Jamaica's image internationally in a huge way," the 93-year-old retired politician, lawyer and diplomat told the Observer during an interview in Kingston.

"We can't imagine up to now the harm that is being done. I do not think that when it started out that anybody on either side thought that it would have stretched out to such a very deep wound; Jamaica has been wounded," said Thompson, who is now based in Florida, United States.

Known as the 'Burning Spear' -- having successfully represented numerous local, regional and international figures in his time in the courtroom, among them the 1952 defence of Kenyan Jomo Kenyatta, who later became president of that African country -- Ambassador Thompson chided State officials for allowing the 'Dudus' extradition matter to drag on.

"I should not think that the damage is irreparable, but I do feel that a matter as sensitive as this, at a time like this, should have been handled much quicker, not delayed over such a long period of time.

"Every delay lays the onus upon us in Jamaica to state why we have to take more action. Again, it depends on whether or not you are working on the spirit of the (Extradition) Act, or the actual legal, day-by-day, word-by-word, letter-by-letter interpretation of the Act," he said.

"Such a matter should have had quicker and more transparent exhibition to the public. What I don't like is the 'you told me, I told him' position that exists today. A lot of finger-pointing is taking place. A change of attitude in this approach does seem to suggest that we didn't start from a very strong position. It gives me the impression that there are a lot of things still to be revealed and a lot of names are being covered up," said Thompson, who also expressed concerns about the Manatt, Phelps & Phillips issue.

"...What is the source of the money that was paid? (to the US-based law firm Manatt, Phelps & Phillips); who paid the cheque? Those are questions that should come out straightforward; it shouldn't take much time to say that," Thompson said.

The law firm said that the Jamaica Government contracted it to act on its behalf in regard to extradition matters, a claim that the Government has denied.

Thompson, in the meantime, remained fixed in his views that Tivoli Gardens -- the pro-Jamaica Labour Party community in West Kingston -- was like a kingdom unto itself.

"My political history has always felt that Tivoli Gardens is a fiefdom on its own. Tivoli Gardens, also from my own personal relationship, has always been a separate and different part of Jamaica.

"Golding being prime minister and representing that area should be able to come right out and clarify that situation. I doubt whether that is being done.

"He is under pressure, but he can always get out of trouble by telling the truth. The truth is the best prerogative in the world," said Thompson, a Rhodes Scholar produced by Mico (University) College, which honoured him last weekend.

Regarded as one of the toughest defence lawyers in the history of Jamaica's legal system, Thompson is also widely remembered in his stint as national security minister in the 1970s for his words, "No angels died at Green Bay", following the killing of five civilians by army rifles in St Catherine in 1978.

Ten men from the Jamaica Labour Party stronghold of Southside in Central Kingston went to the Jamaica Defence Force (JDF) shooting range in the Port Henderson area, with the promise of jobs as bodyguards and drivers at the then princely wage of $300 a week, when five of them were shot dead and the other five escaped.

Four of the five had criminal records, including Norman "Gutto" Thompson, a former Santos Football Club and Jamaica representative.

Ten JDF soldiers, who were either charged with murder or conspiracy to murder, were freed in February 1982 by a jury in the Manchester Circuit Court. This came after a coroner's jury in 1978 found that persons conspired to kill the men, who were transported to the range in two Jamaica Red Cross ambulances.

JDF personnel testified at the trial that the men went to Green Bay to collect illegal guns and were killed by soldiers, after they fired at soldiers.

Police and soldiers were called to the home of a police officer and his wife yesterday following a dispute between the two and the involvement of the lawman's service pistol.

Reports reaching THE STAR are that the lawman and his wife had a dispute on Saturday night. Some residents of the community told THE STAR that on Sunday morning, the officer and his wife were involved in a tussle, during which she disarmed him and took away his weapon. Other residents told THE STAR that shots were fired at the lawman.

The police, however, when contacted by THE STAR, said even though there had been an issue with the man's wife handling his gun, there were no shots fired. The police say the two had an argument the previous night and the following morning the lawman went across the street. They said in his absence, his wife took up his vest and his weapon and family members concerned about what she was planning to do with it, contacted the police.

A detachment of soldiers and police was sent to the home, but it was found to be a misunderstanding. Police said they did not observe the lawman's wife with the gun and were not convinced that she had planned to use it to do any harm. They said the report was made by overzealous relatives who became afraid when they saw her handling the gun.

McDonalds lookin' to become FAT people's paradise

Wii Fit Board Turned Woman Into Mad Bad Nymphomaniac :

Seven dead, 13 others wounded in 12 violent hours in Chicago

Wentworth, Calumet, Harrison and Grand Central Area detectives are investigating a rash of shootings throughout the city Friday.
(Sun-Times Media)

Responding to an unusually *lo**y night of shootings that left seven dead and 13 others wounded in just 12 hours, Chicago police Supt. Jody Weis said today that hell put his departments summer crime-fighting plan in place early.

Last night was not a good night, Weis said at a news conference this afternoon at police headquarters.

Details of the summer crime-fighting strategy could be announced as early as Monday.

The department already has stepped up targeted enforcement in violent areas and vehicle impoundment, according to Weis.

No arrests have been made in the shootings, which pushed the murder toll in Chicago so far this year to 97. At this point last year, 81 people had been killed.

Most of the shootings occurred on the South Side and West Side of the city.

All appear to have been gang-related, according to Weis, who said witnesses had come forward but urged more people to come forward with information and break the code of silence that makes it so hard to fight street violence.

It began just after 4:30 p.m. Thursday. Thats when Anthony Lopez, 22, was shot in the chest at 1700 W. Cullerton St., according to the Cook County Medical Examiner's office. Lopez died at Stroger Hospital.

Among the other shootings:

About an hour later, in the Marquette Park neighborhood on the Southwest Side, someone was shot in the 2500 block of West 66th Street while walking on the street. The victim whose age and gender werent disclosed was hospitalized with a gunshot wound to the neck, according to police.

Then, just before 6 p.m., Bernard Hatcher, 30, was shot repeatedly as he stood with a group of people in the 7800 block of South Maryland Avenue on the South Side. He died at Stroger Hospital, a medical examiner's spokesman said.

At 6:08 p.m. in the South Side Calumet Heights neighborhood, two people were shot while walking in the 2500 block of East 93rd Street, one in a leg, the other in an arm. They were in good conditinon at Advocate Trinity Hospital.

Two blocks from the shooting on 66th Street, two people were shot and wounded at 6:27 p.m. in the 2700 block of West 66th.

Just after 7:30 p.m. on the South Side, a man riding his bike in the 500 block of East 88th Street was shot in the leg and wounded.

Around the same time, someone in a red pickup truck shot a 16-year-old and a 17-year-old  who were playing basketball at Nat King Cole Park at 361 E. 85th St., according to police. The younger boy was in serious condition with gunshot wounds to his right hip and calf, while the other teen suffered a gunshot wound to the neck and was in critical condition.

At 8 p.m., a 28-year-old woman was shot while two uniformed police officers nearby responded to a call of a man with a gun at East 84th Street and South Colfax Avenue, police said. The officers were asking a crowd at 8349 S. Colfax Ave. if they had seen the gunman when they heard shots and saw flashes from a gangway. The woman was taken in good condition to Northwestern Memorial Hospital.

At 10:25 p.m., Anthony Williams, 29, was shot at 7042 S. St. Lawrence. He died at Advocate Christ Medical Center in Oak Lawn, according to the medical examiners office.

Less than an hour later, a man in a passing vehicle shot and killed an 18-year-old around 11 p.m. in the 900 block of West 53rd Street. Deandre Morgan was pronounced dead at Stroger Hospital.

At 11:17 p.m., police responded to a person shot in the 870 block of South Ada Street. Ramone Cook, 19, was shot at 8732 S. Ada St. and pronounced dead at Little Company of Mary Hospital and Health Care Centers in Evergreen Park.

A woman died and two men were critically wounded in two shootings near Washington Park on the South Side around midnight. Kristle Jackson, 23, died after being shot at 35 E. 58th St., according to the medical examiners office. The shooting also left a 32-year-old man in critical condition with gunshot wounds to both legs. A separate shooting nearby around the same time sent another man to the hospital, also in critical condition, with gunshot wounds to his legs and neck.

At 1:50 a.m. Friday, a 36-year-old man was shot and wounded as he sat in a parked car at 4840 W. Hirsch in the West Side Austin neighborhood, police said.

Just past 3 a.m. in the 1400 block of West 110th Street, Roger Walker, 30, was shot and killed.

Kym Is In Control Of Her Publishing Rights

Kym and her Legal Team announced that effective April 15, 2010 Kym has full control of her Publishing Rights.

Kym and her Legal Team provided her former Recorded Label with a (60) sixty days cancellation notice in February and has been waiting patiently for it to take effect. Kym also cancelled her management contract with the Record label in February and is currently being managed by Sandra Hamilton.

 

This is exciting, said Kym, this will allow me more creative freedom.  Since leaving the record label, Kym has released, This is love, that is currently on the Caribbean Top 20 Charts.  This is love, was written by Kym and Produced by Stone Age Productions.  She has also released a collaboration with former Portmore Empire member, Ryno Da Stinger called, Last Night, that is in heavy rotation both locally and internationally.

 

Kym is currently booked for several shows through out the Caribbean and is putting the final touches to her European Tour. You can look for great things from Kym has she is working feverishly to make good music that will last for generations to come.

Categories: None

Well, there's a whole new generation of devices that will get your *lo** pumping for all the wrong reasons. So have your nightmares welcome their new guests...

Admit it, every time you visit your local sex store you look up and down the aisles and are secretly ashamed and disgusted that there's not a single toy that can also double as some kind of medieval siege weapon.

Lucky for you, some perverse engineers thought the same thing and nipped that problem in the bud. As with all of the devices on this list, we'll leave it to your imagination as to what the thing looks like in use.

Fun Website Quote

"This machine is so smooth, quiet and easy to use it allows you to focus more on your pleasure and less on your mechanical abilities."

Ah, from medieval weapon to medieval torture device. If you're into that sort of thing, or if you're conducting your own inquisition, then this tiny Iron Maiden for a schlong may be right up your alley.

For those of us who prefer not to have metal spikes jammed in our units, it probably keeps a mean grip on hot dogs when you're cooking over an open fire.

Fun Website Quote

"Imagine the look on your boy toy's face when he wants to feel that pleasure but something else is keeping him from fully realizing his arousal."

It's a sign of our throwaway society that people can't even be bothered to use reusable canned vaginas anymore, but the convenience of a Pepsi sized tube of greased up, squishy polymers just can't be beat. We're guessing on every corner in Japan they've got these in vending machines.

Fun Website Quote

"Complete with lubricant, this disposable p**sy will leave you wanting more!"

Two things that any good sex toy should have are the ability to both scratch those super hard-to-reach places and the ability to warp the mind of a child should they ever stumble upon it by accident. This nightmarishly well-endowed bear accomplishes both rather nicely. We wonder if they ever made a tie-in cartoon starring this little guy.

Fun Website Quote

"Your p**sy is a play thing and this wireless teddy is the one to play with."

It's a little known fact that not all sex dolls are made for personal enjoyment. Some, like this sagging septuagenarian doll, are just made to haunt the recesses of your psyche for all time. And force you to buy denture cleaner.

Fun Website Quote

"Mature kink love doll comes with her own false teeth."

It's pretty much a given that intimacy can't be achieved very well without making use of the sense of touch. On the other hand, you'd figure it's a given that you shouldn't be trying to get intimate while wearing a poor man's Freddy Krueger hand accessory on each finger, but not everyone rolls the same way. So cram these on your fingers and get the Emergency Room on speed dial.

Fun Website Quote

"Wear all five or just one or two at a time. Even one will get you the respect you deserve."

It's sad that looking at a selection of dildos modeled after animals and mythical beasts is barely shocking in this day and age. But, thankfully, we have innovative devices like the Drippy Dragon to keep us on our toes.

This dildo, modeled somehow after a dragon wang, actually shoots jets of spooge for all those situations in which you need something like that to happen.

Fun Website Quote

"Includes free 8oz / 250ml bottle of Bad Dragon cum-lube."

So you're in a bit of a pickle. That special someone is coming over but you're afraid your sex life is getting boring. What's the best way to combine as many godawful fetishes into one place, preferably a pair of pants, as quickly and efficiently as possible? Here's your answer.

Waiting for us to explain how it works? Figure it out. We're done thinking about it.

Fun Website Quote

"The enema bag can hold 4 liters."

You know how mattresses have that tag on them warning you not to remove it, and it's hard to figure out what could be so bad if you removed the tag, but almost nobody ever removes it anyway, just because something awful might happen? If someone wrote on that tag that you should never stick an electrified metal rod in your wang, this product might never have been invented.

Fun Website Quote

"The Electrosex Urethral Sounds is not for beginners."

One of the worst things that can happen to anyone's sex life is the day you wake up and realize your sexuality in no way reflects anything you've witnessed in the Hellraiser series of films. It doesn't have to be that way though. Thanks, Extreme Ass Spreader!

Fun Website Quote

"retractor opens up to 4" wide"

OK, we have to interject here. Why in the hell would you possibly need to stretch your anus four inches wide?

Ah, again we learn why you don't ask the Internet a question you don't want to know the answer to.

Is that a radiation symbol on the side?

Fun Website Quote

"The heft, thickness and range of this butt plug means you'll get a fulfilling stretch."

Well, might as well get the dildos out of the way now.

The thing is, every kind of sex has disadvantages, where you can't reach certain things or perform certain actions, or one partner gets left out of the pleasure. This product seems to perfectly combine all of those downsides into one device.

And are we crazy or is it physically impossible to breathe with that thing on?

Fun Website Quote

"This soft leather strap-on harness makes it easy to strap a dildo to your face."

Oh, look. It's a Drilldo.

So... we're not experts on this sort of thing but do people build up like, a tolerance to vibrators? To the point that they need them to vibrate way, way more than even the most powerful internal motor can drive it? To the point that in order to feel anything, you need an industrial power tool spinning your marital aid at several hundred RPMs and creating enough friction to spark spontaneous vaginal combustion in the process?

Fun Website Quote

"Yoga-like relaxing massage."

Aaaaand here's a way to put out the aforementioned vagina-fire.

This actually looks like a fairly standard piece of high-quality plumbing equipment you'd find at the hardware store, until you look closely at the largest black attachment. Then you realize this is for, as the site says, "intimate water play."

For extra fun, try to picture how the other attachments are used.

Fun Website Quote

"6'/ 1.828 meters of non-tarnishing, nickel-free, non-crimping flexible hose."

Remember how, as a teenager, you'd try to dupe members of the opposite sex into a game of Twister in the hopes of one day maybe touching some boob "by accident"? This is what happens when that mischievous childhood memory is taken to Hollywood and gang ****ed by men in masks.

Fun Website Quote

"Post Master Kit contains the following: ... 1 Beret protector... "

If the Post Master up there didn't look quite dangerous enough, why not take those same mounted dildos and put them on a spring? And then jump up and down with it inside you? Why, they even added an attachment for a friend so you can stare into each other's eyes as you both come to the realization you're suffering massive genital trauma that you'll likely never recover from.

Fun Website Quote

"This Jack Hammer Johnson come with two cradles, two passion grips ... and all the necessary mounting hardware."

Remember all those times you had sex and thought something was missing? If that something involved being suspended by your ankles in a full-body rubber straight jacket, your life is about to get a whole lot better. If not, things are probably about to get worse.

Fun Website Quote

"The hood is breathable but can restrict some airflow."

This gruesome looking thing may or may not be designed to make the average man look as though his crotch is being attacked by an afro'd manta ray. It's hard to say, really.

Fun Website Quote

Rain breaks away main road to community

Residents of the small community of Friday, located in the Comfort Castle area of the Rio Grande Valley, are now partially trapped in their community after heavy rains broke away the road leading into the community on Thursday.

The community, which has been having trouble with the road for about two years, has been receiving torrential rains since Wednes-day. In years gone by, the road has always broken away in heavy rains but the determined residents have always effected their own repairs.

Evadne Green, a resident of the community, explained that the break-away has severely affected them and has limited their movement. She said it has also placed residents in grave danger, as the alternate route out of the community involves walking along a perilous swing bridge that hangs over the churning waters of the Rio Grande.

She said, "It's been affecting us greatly. Today, I had to walk like 25 minutes to get to my car that was parked on the other side. The road is completely impassable. We have pregnant women living here, and I don't know what would happen if somebody got sick and needed to go to the hospital. The other route, through Cornwall Barracks, is along a precipice and there is a little swing bridge. It is very dangerous, especially for the school children."

Green and the other residents are now forced to walk a great distance to meet cars that terminate their journey at the point where the breakaway starts.

Josh Hunter, a peace corp worker stationed in Comfort Castle for the last year and a half, also expressed concern at the state of the road. " This has been going on for some time now. Some time ago, there was a landslide and the road collapsed. It collapsed again last year and the community rebuilt it. They just started doing work recently and then we started getting rains."

The residents say they are waiting on the authorities to come to their rescue and say they need to hear from them soon.

Attempts to contact a representative from the National Works Agency were unsuccessful.

Firstly u guys sit ere read these aweful things an turn dem into facts. Nothing is wrong wit reading wat unscrupulous, badmind, wicked ppl write to bring me dwn good people, but its what you believe in the end. Persons are making comments about me selling p**sy, cleaning up an how my p**sy stink


.... den if my p**sy stink an him nuh wnt me den why him waah heng on to it an all dem *lo**clat @#%#^& deh c'mon these r jus groupies or groupies friends. I dont give a **** about other women cuz I knw my place an who a wife cuz if him pesting so den weh mi a do wid him 4 maself huh? Im a reasonable person I split truth. Him av nuf woman an me nuh knw weh him a tell some but my side good. Him give me ANYTING I ask for but it still dont exempt the fact that him beat woman it's the first but him learn him lesson. And no woman should accept it. Cuz as they said mi mad so I probably wud av shoot him," the email said.

I do own a riffle, I shoot birds for fun family thing and friends but I also av a licened firearm. I dont intend to use it on any1 but mi head nuh really fix. Ask any1 who does knw me. Pretty face but a hat ead get it frm where I originate. Mi nuh carry badness to ppl jus split justice. Di lifestyle crazy and risky but we all make mistakes in relationships, so whos any1 to judge us. Listen di whole ****y ****y tlk and suss is nt me so skanks why when unuh see mi unuh nuh come tlk di tings why unuh scared when mi mek up mi pretty face? Mi caah stap rumours, but mi jus a set it straight."

A 23-year-old man who was taken into custody recently after being accused of sexually assaulting scores of women in the parishes of St Ann, St James, Trelawny and Hanover will be brought before the Montego Bay Resident Magistrates Court tomorrow.

The man was arrested by detectives in Montego Bay after E-FIT artists attached to the Jamaica Constabulary Force made a composite drawing which was then widely circulated in the parishes.

He allegedly posed as a robot taxi operator, and under this guise, robbed and raped his victims at gun and knife point before sexually assaulting them. To date, 30 victims who have been robbed and raped have submitted statements.

The man is also scheduled to appear in the Gun Court on May 6, 2010

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE... WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW!!

$5,000 can get you a fake pair

THE traffic police have uncovered a licence plate-manufacturing racket in which original plates issued by the Tax Office are duplicated and sold for as much as $5,000 per pair to corrupt motorists, primarily minibus and taxi operators.

Head of the Police Traffic Division, Supt Radcliffe Lewis said he suspects that the fake plates are being made downtown Kingston but investigations have not yet pinpointed the exact location.

According to Lewis, the scam came to light after numerous PPV plates removed by the police from defective vehicles went uncollected for an extended period.We noticed that a lot of plates were here and the people were not coming back for them, Lewis told the Sunday Observer last week.

A subsequent audit of seized plates held at the Elletson Road Traffic Headquarters revealed plates bearing similar digits among the inventory at the station.

In one case, the duplicated plates, Lewis said, were seized by the police on two separate occasions from a minibus which plies between Kingston and Port Antonio. The cops who seized the plates were unaware that they were being duped.

Upon contacting the driver of the minibus after discovering the discrepancy, a third set of plates bearing the same digits was found on the vehicle.

Each time the plate is taken off they go back and get different plates, Lewis commented. This person, every time we take the plates, he buys another for $5,000.

The offending driver was arrested and slapped with 18 charges, including forgery.

He did not make the plates, but he has knowledge of the procedure and bought them and used them, Lewis said, explaining the forgery charge.

According to Lewis, the main perpetrators in the scam are taxi and minibus operators, although he suspects that private motor vehicle owners are also buying the fake plates in significant numbers.

The traffic department head, although uncertain about the extent of the racket, feels it is widespread based on the number of reports the police have received from motorists regarding their licence plates being duplicated.

It is also a problem to the general public because from time to time people complain to the police that their plates have been cloned, said Lewis.

He added that the high number of seized licence plates, both private and PPV, still uncollected at the traffic headquarters also suggests that something is amiss.

Lewis explained that when plates are removed from a defective vehicle they have to be tested at an examination depot before permission is granted for them to be returned.

The charge for vehicle defects is $7,500 and the exam fee is $3,000, said Lewis. As soon as the defects are remedied we release the plates.

However, unscrupulous motorists, Lewis said, find purchasing the illegal plates a less expensive route.

The fake plates, on sight, bear striking similarity to the original, however those displayed by Lewis were made of a thinner material than the plates issued by the collectorate.

The lettering is basically the same, there is not much difference, said Lewis.